The Thoughts of a Congressman Who Dozed Off at the State of the Union & Is Now Worried He Is a Meme

  1. What... huh?
  2. Where am I?
  3. Oh gosh. I'm at the State of the Union.
  4. Oh dear.
  5. How long was I out for?
  6. Did the camera catch it?
  7. CLAP WITH EVERYONE ELSE. LET EVERYONE KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE.
  8. Oh, that was a Democrat-only applause break.
  9. I'm going to get some flak from the GOP for applauding teacher benefits or whatever.
  10. I was very asleep.
  11. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. People definitely saw.
  12. The President seems to have moved on from gun control entirely.
  13. I slept through gun control.
  14. That can't have been a breezy two minutes.
  15. I was asleep for at least twenty very important minutes.
  16. There's no way the camera didn't catch that.
  17. Especially because I'm sitting directly behind House Majority Whip Steve Scalise.
  18. That's my fault. I should have known not to sit near him. He's one of those go-to reaction shots whenever the President gives one of those "drop the mic" burns.
  19. I'm probably all over the Internet already.
  20. Oh dear, this is embarrassing.
  21. I know how stupid I look when I sleep.
  22. Like a largemouth bass with glasses.
  23. There's probably already a Twitter handle for "Sleepy Congressman Luke Messar (R) Indiana".
  24. With pictures of my big mouth wide open and my eyes closed with captions like "tfw gun control bores you."
  25. I had a late flight, and I didn't get my coffee.
  26. Work is just so hard.
  27. APPLAUD, LUKE.
  28. Damn it. I think I applauded income taxes.
  29. House Majority Whip Steve Scalise just gave me a glare.
  30. Steve never lets me sit with him or the other cool Congresspeople in the caf.
  31. I always have to sit with the guys from the Committee of General Farm Commodities and Risk Management.
  32. And all they do is gossip about the Committee on Livestock and Foreign Agriculture.
  33. Oh dear. I'm a meme. I know it.
  34. I'm going to be the guy the Internet latches on to, that seemingly innocuous background thing that becomes a t-shirt.
  35. I'm going to be the Pizza Rat of the United States House of Representatives.
  36. My sleeping face will be everywhere.
  37. Other members of Congress are going to send me Red Bull and pillows.
  38. Huffington Post is going to be all "How a No-Name Congressman from Indiana Became an Overnight Nap Hero."
  39. Maybe no one saw.
  40. Yeah, maybe.
  41. Check your phone.
  42. Oh dear, twenty texts from my wife telling me to wake up.
  43. Ok, so this was definitely a thing everyone saw.
  44. My brother sent me ten different photos of me sleeping on his TV.
  45. Oh ok, here come the memes.
  46. Gosh, the Internet is quick.
  47. They already photoshopped me into old-timey Ebenezer Scrooge pajamas.
  48. Here's one of me sleeping through a nuclear explosion.
  49. This is bad.
  50. Huh, everyone is standing up and applauding. DON'T JOIN.
  51. Oh no, wait, he mentioned God.
  52. STAND, LUKE, STAND.
  53. The President is wrapping up.
  54. Ok, Luke, you're the story. Own it. Doesn't matter what the President said. This State of the Union is about you now.
  55. This is going to be brutal.
  56. Wow, #SleepySenator is trending.
  57. ...
  58. Cool, they think I'm a Senator.