The Thoughts of a Credit Card That Suspects It's Been Left at a Bar

  1. DAMN, CRAIG, THAT'S AN EXPENSIVE CAB.
  2. $45.70, all the way from Astoria to the West Village!
  3. Craig is going all out tonight.
  4. You go, Craig.
  5. Last weekend, Craig rented "Paper Towns" on demand.
  6. Twice!
  7. It expired before he could finish it, so he bought it a second time.
  8. So I'm glad he's getting back out there.
  9. Mary isn't coming back, no matter how many Edible Arrangements he has me buy her.
  10. He's too stressed. This is good for him.
  11. Craig bought a margarita at Chipotle today.
  12. Who does that?
  13. Someone who is treating themselves, is who.
  14. HELL YEAH, CRAIG, KEEP THE TAB OPEN!
  15. You do you, bud, I'll hang at the bar.
  16. I hope he's wearing that nice J. Crew shirt we bought.
  17. Ok, make polite conversation with the other cards.
  18. There's some cute Bank of America cards in here with Pandas on them.
  19. A Chase® Freedom card keeps going on about his rewards.
  20. Sick, dude.
  21. Oh no.
  22. That's Mary's Suntrust card.
  23. Craig's Mary.
  24. "Is Mary at this bar?"
  25. Mary's Suntrust card swears she didn't know Craig was going to be here either.
  26. Abort, Craig, abort. Close me out, and let's get out of here.
  27. Let's go to McDonald's! You can get a McDouble and a McChicken for $2.98!
  28. Mary's Suntrust Card says she has been going to a lot of restaurants and splitting checks with guys' cards.
  29. Mary is over it. Why can't Craig be?
  30. And we all know Mary is too nice to really just cut Craig out entirely, but that's what he needs!
  31. ...
  32. It's been hours. Most of the other cards are gone now.
  33. Mary's Suntrust card remains.
  34. Mary and Craig are both still here.
  35. Drinking.
  36. An American Express card is going on and on about the one time he bought 15 iPad minis.
  37. He has no idea why his owner needed 15 iPad minis.
  38. It's been too long.
  39. Craig should be back.
  40. AWESOME. MARY'S SUNTRUST CARD IS GONE.
  41. Craig?
  42. Why am I still here?
  43. Oh no, is Craig still drinking after Mary left?
  44. At least he didn't go home with her.
  45. Bye, American Express card.
  46. "Hey, let me know if you have too many iPads!"
  47. Just a little credit card joke.
  48. It's just me left.
  49. I think...
  50. I think Craig forgot me.
  51. I think Craig got drunk and forgot me at this bar.
  52. What... do I do?
  53. Think, think, other cards have told you about this.
  54. The bartender closes you out and you just wait for your owner to come back tomorrow. It's not a big deal.
  55. Ok, here, being charged now.
  56. $130.50?!
  57. CRAIG GOT 12 JACK AND COKES!
  58. AND 3 GIN AND TONICS!
  59. THAT'S MARY'S DRINK!
  60. HE ALSO GOT $8.99 HOT WINGS!
  61. At least he ate something.
  62. Oh man, Craig does not have this kind of money.
  63. How's he going to get home?!
  64. I guess... I guess I just wait.
  65. ...
  66. Oh hello, Craig.
  67. Look who comes crawling in at 11am to retrieve me.
  68. I spent the night in a scary cash register. Where did you spend yours?
  69. Yeah, you better buy a Tylenol and a Gatorade at this CVS. Yep, let's also buy a Subway card.
  70. No cabs for you for a while.
  71. He seems sad.
  72. Let's get one more expensive burger, and then we make some changes.