The Thoughts of a Donkey Who Has No Idea He Is in a Live Nativity Scene

  1. I'm going to go over here.
  2. Now, I'm going to go over there.
  3. It may be fun to go back over there.
  4. Should I?
  5. Why not.
  6. Ow.
  7. Man with rod has clutched my rope.
  8. Why are all these humans standing still?
  9. WOAH.
  10. So many humans are watching in front of us.
  11. Ow. They each emit light.
  12. Humans love to look at donkeys.
  13. But that's a lot of them.
  14. I'm going to eat whatever this is.
  15. Straw. This is good.
  16. Ow. Other man in cloak has pushed me away.
  17. No, man. I am going to eat the straw.
  18. That's what I do.
  19. Oh, there is baby human in the straw.
  20. I won't eat him.
  21. I'll eat around him though.
  22. Stop pushing me away, woman.
  23. I'm not going to eat the baby.
  24. Oh, he is crying.
  25. Ok, I'm going to leave now.
  26. Ow.
  27. The man has a tight grasp on my rope.
  28. What is going on?
  29. This is not a normal day for a donkey.
  30. Guess I should make some noise.
  31. "HEE-HAW."
  32. I hope that didn't sound like "hee-haw."
  33. But really, how else would you describe the way I sound?
  34. Did the three with the crowns shush me?
  35. You all look weird.
  36. I'm going to make a lot of noise, I guess.
  37. "HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW."
  38. The baby is loud too.
  39. Let's sing together, baby.
  40. "HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW."
  41. Finally, the man with the rod moved.
  42. Let's go, sir.
  43. He's putting his finger in front of his mouth and whispering "we're in a church."
  44. That means nothing to me.
  45. I cannot understand you because I am a donkey.
  46. I know "good boy" means, like, "I'll feed you now," but my human runs out there.
  47. Let's get out of here, baby.
  48. OW.
  49. Stop pushing me! I'm trying to pick up the baby and get out of here.
  50. People are screaming, "he's going to eat the baby! He's going to eat the baby!"
  51. I wonder what that means.
  52. This is not a good situation anymore.
  53. Better start kicking.
  54. The three with the crowns have scattered.
  55. Man with a rod, I'm going to kick you in the stomach if you don't let go of that rope.
  56. He's a fighter.
  57. So I have kicked him in the stomach.
  58. I have kicked down a fire holder by accident.
  59. That was my fault.
  60. It is now raining inside.
  61. There are a lot of loud noises that I should join in on.
  62. "HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW. HEE-HAW."
  63. Better run through this crowd.
  64. Stop flashing light at me, humans.
  65. They are all running somewhere.
  66. I should follow them?
  67. I'll come back for you, baby.
  68. I've knocked down an old lady, and she is terrified of my attempts to help.
  69. Keep running.
  70. Outside now.
  71. Now what?
  72. A large red flashing truck has arrived. It is so scary.
  73. Monsters from the truck are chasing me.
  74. Run down a street with cars.
  75. The cars keep making noise and hitting each other for some reason.
  76. Oh good, woods. I can relax.
  77. That was crazy.
  78. Jesus, what was all that about?