The Thoughts of a Kiss-Cam Operator Who Keeps Mistaking Siblings for Couples

  1. First day on the Kiss-Cam.
  2. This is a big deal, Gavin.
  3. You got this.
  4. It's no different from following the ball.
  5. You found some couples. You know where to point your camera. You alternate with Tony's camera. You show a couple. Tony shows a couple. Love wins.
  6. Here it comes, "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer.
  7. And, cut to the first couple!
  8. Why are they shaking their heads?
  9. What is he mouthing?
  10. Spinster? Spinster?
  11. That's mean.
  12. Oh.
  13. Sister.
  14. Sister.
  15. Ok, cut to Tony's camera.
  16. That wasn't ideal.
  17. Shake it off, Gavin.
  18. Cue camera on this middle-aged couple surrounded by kids.
  19. Safe bet.
  20. And cut to my camera.
  21. The man just straight up walked away from the woman.
  22. Why are the kids laughing?
  23. He's their uncle. She's their mom.
  24. Cut to Tony's camera.
  25. That's two in a row.
  26. Am I bad at this? That's bound to happen, right?
  27. Find a couple that doesn't look anything alike.
  28. Here we go. Tall, dark-skinned guy with a short pale woman.
  29. Technically profiling, but I need a win.
  30. Ok, cut to that couple.
  31. The guy just clearly sighed and mouthed, "she's my half-sister, dude."
  32. Cut to Tony's camera.
  33. I'm going to get fired.
  34. God, look at this couple in Tony's camera.
  35. They are really going at it.
  36. Like, you're in public, guys.
  37. Focus on your own couples, Gavin.
  38. AN ELDERLY COUPLE!
  39. That's the Kiss-Cam jackpot!
  40. And cut to old people.
  41. She has a sign that says, "He's my brother, asshole."
  42. I feel like this has happened to them before.
  43. Cut to Tony's camera.
  44. This was my chance, and I blew it.
  45. I have ruined the Kiss-Cam, the greatest tradition in American sports.
  46. Am I incapable of detecting romantic love?
  47. Like, every couple Tony has found has been so passionately in love.
  48. That guy is proposing to that girl.
  49. How did Tony know they were going to do that?
  50. God, what does this say about my feelings for my own sister?
  51. Step-sister.
  52. Sarah is your step-sister.
  53. Still creepy though.
  54. Here is a couple where the guy is wearing an Orioles jersey and the girl is wearing a Rays jersey.
  55. He has his arm around her.
  56. That's a couple.
  57. Cut to them.
  58. AGAIN?!
  59. She just made a vomit motion, and he is just saying "sister again" over and over.
  60. HOW THE HELL DOES ONE SIBLING BECOME A BALTIMORE ORIOLES FAN WHILE THE OTHER BECOMES A TAMPA BAY RAYS FAN?!
  61. DID SHE GROW UP IN TAMPA, AND HE GROW UP IN BALTIMORE, AND YET THEY ARE STILL SO CLOSE THEY PUT THIER ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER?!
  62. THAT'S ANOTHER THING. GROWN UP BROTHERS AND SISTERS, STOP PUTTING YOUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER.
  63. IT MAKES EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE.
  64. SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER, STOP. PLAYING.
  65. Cut to Tony's camera.
  66. At least it's over now.
  67. Every single couple I picked was brother and sister.
  68. Tony just texted me and asked if everything was ok.
  69. Sarah's dad married my mom when I was 16.
  70. We aren't technically related.
  71. I think k have to deal with some stuff.