The Thoughts of a Mom Who Only Has Crunchy Peanut Butter Left Even Though Her One Kid Hates It

  1. Really scraping the bottom of the smooth here.
  2. Damn it.
  3. The crunchy is untouched.
  4. Cody won't eat this.
  5. If I give this to him, he will probably cry.
  6. He's going to act like such a prima donna.
  7. It's 10pm on a Sunday night. I'm not going to the store to buy smooth peanut butter for his lunch tomorrow.
  8. What if...
  9. What if I just made him a crunchy PB&J and don't tell him.
  10. I could just put it in his lunchbox.
  11. And then at school tomorrow, he will just deal with it.
  12. Would that make me a bad mom?
  13. "CODY, I SAID GO TO BED."
  14. If I get a phone call at work tomorrow because Cody is crying at school about chunks in his sandwich, I will lose my goddamn mind.
  15. You like peanuts, Cody, and you like peanut butter, you should like crunchy peanut butter.
  16. Dave's right. Cody needs to suck it up.
  17. I'll never admit that to Dave though.
  18. "CODY, I TOLD YOU, IT'S BEDTIME. STAY IN BED."
  19. Why did I let Dave buy him that drum set?
  20. Come on, Carol, just throw him one of the emergency Lunchables you have hidden in the basement refrigerator.
  21. No, no, you did that last week when you had the conference and didn't have time to pack his lunch.
  22. Cody will not become a Lunchables kid.
  23. God, I should have stopped Dave from using all the lunch meat today.
  24. But you were like, "honey, by all means use all our son's lunch meat to make a gigantic sub you won't even finish."
  25. What if I throw in extra fruit snacks?
  26. Will Cody see that as a truce?
  27. I could just make him a jelly sandwich.
  28. And he will just deal.
  29. That's probably a good compromise.
  30. WHY IS HE PLAYING HIS DRUMS AT 10:15 ON A SUNDAY NIGHT?!
  31. "CODY, DO NOT MAKE ME COME UP THERE."
  32. Kid never does anything I tell him.
  33. I'm going to do it.
  34. I'm going to pack him a crunchy peanut butter sandwich.
  35. With no jelly.
  36. Where's the stickies? Gonna leave a note.
  37. "Listen to your mother. Xo, Mom"
  38. You're cold, Carol.
  39. Where's the wine.