The Thoughts of a Roaring Fireplace That Was Started Just to Burn an Ex's Photos

  1. I am fire. I consume all with no judgment and little fanfare.
  2. I am fire. I raze the great forests in the name of rebirth.
  3. I am fire. I emit dangerous warmth, comforting to one and deadly to another.
  4. I am fire. I have created civilizations, and I have destroyed them. I am humanity's greatest resource, and also its deadliest.
  5. I am fire. I serve many purposes. What is my purpose here? Why have been summoned today?
  6. Ah, a fireplace, the Great Window through which I enter the home, the hearth around which the family is centered.
  7. Am I here to warm a traveler after a cold day? Perhaps I was created so a frustrated writer could stare at my flickering flames and ponder the great mysteries?
  8. What fresh fuel is this? What was been added to my ever-shifting flames?
  9. Why, it's half of a torn photograph of a young gentleman at something called a Cochella!
  10. I shall rapidly diminish it into nothing.
  11. What has been fed to me now?!
  12. It's another photograph of the same young gentleman with a graduation cap and his arm around a lovely young woman.
  13. I know this girl! She is the keeper of the flames, my current fire tender.
  14. Another photograph, this one of the gentleman and the lady riding a roller coaster with an official frame that reads "¡AY CARAMBA, NOSOTROS SURVIVED EL TORO!"
  15. I am fire. I will ravage all in my way, but I am pretty confident that those official roller coaster photos are ridiculously expensive.
  16. Fire keeper, do you not have wood?
  17. Another photograph, this one of the young gentleman in a seemingly ironic glamour pose in a frame that says "I <3 u 4eva."
  18. Fire keeper, I will naturally char this photograph, for that is my great burden, but I feel like maybe you should slow down.
  19. My kindling appears to have some sort of emotional value. I am ever-changing and uncaring, but a Duraflame will do. I do not need to be eradicating your memories.
  20. I am fire, I will eradicate this hoodie that likely still smells like him, but, um, maybe cut down on the tequila.
  21. Oh, I do not wish to burn this acrostic he wrote you for your one year anniversary.
  22. But I must, for I am fire.
  23. Please do not watch, fire keeper, as I slowly cremate the G in "Grace."
  24. "G- Great Kisser." Scorched.
  25. "R- Rad." Slowly fading away.
  26. "A - Amazing." Torched.
  27. "C - Cookie Cween." I imagine this is some sort of inside joke unique to your relationship. I shall burn it regardless.
  28. "E - Extra Rad." I have eaten the terrible poem.
  29. What's this? A book he self-published?
  30. I am fire, destroyer of worlds, and even I think this is a tad dramatic.
  31. Maybe talk it out? I am the unrelenting fire, but I am a historically good listener.
  32. Oh no, fire keeper, this is his social security card. I think he needs this.
  33. Let me burn out. I shall return on a day when things aren't so fresh.
  34. Fire keeper, this is a notebook titled "My second novel." I can't unburn this. Please remove it from my flames.
  35. I have reduced his life's work to ash.
  36. Fire keeper, don't answer. Don't answer that phone. It's him, and no good will come of this.
  37. What are you yelling at him, fire keeper?
  38. He cheated on you with your best friend?
  39. FEED ME HIS REMAINS, FOR NO ONE SHALL TREAT MY FIRE KEEPER LIKE THAT.
  40. BURN, BURN, BURN, MEMORIES OF LANDON. WE WERE TOO GOOD FOR YOU ANYWAY.