The Thoughts of a Teacher Trying Not to Let the Christmas Presents Students Got Her Affect Midterms

  1. Let's see how Louis did on the midterm.
  2. Ok, right off the bat, -2 for thinking the United States was in the League of Nations.
  3. -2 for saying Italy wasn't in the Allied Powers in World War I. That's World War II, Louis.
  4. In his essay, he mentions The Cold War.
  5. The question is what led to World War I.
  6. But his mom made me delicious cookies.
  7. No, Nicole, no.
  8. Stop thinking about that.
  9. Louis gets a C.
  10. Ok, little Maddy Keller.
  11. Oh, Maddy. I cannot accept that spelling of the "Treaty of Versailles."
  12. She spelled it "Ver-sigh."
  13. With a hyphen.
  14. She got me a Starbucks gift card though.
  15. She knows how much I love Starbucks.
  16. Nicole, no. Wrong is wrong.
  17. It was only $5 anyway.
  18. That's like half a drink.
  19. NICOLE, THAT'S NOT WHY YOU CAN'T HELP MADDY OUT.
  20. C.
  21. Victor, please have studied.
  22. Ok, Otto Von Bismark was a person, but he wasn't "the emperor of Europe," Victor.
  23. He was the, uh...
  24. Don't look it up, Nicole.
  25. Chancellor of Germany and President of Prussia.
  26. Victor wrote me the sweetest card where he said I made him want to be a good student.
  27. Nicole, none of that matters.
  28. Trust in your grading rubric.
  29. I'm giving Victor a B-.
  30. He deserves a C, Nicole.
  31. He remembered that Franz Ferdinand is more than a band though.
  32. He also thought Franz Ferdinand was killed by a young Hitler. Give him the C.
  33. The note was so cute though.
  34. Nicole, he is a C student. Don't fall for his trickery.
  35. C...
  36. Plus.
  37. Ok, Sarah Burns.
  38. Sarah Burns got me a spa day.
  39. Please, please have done well, Sarah Burns.
  40. Oh no, she says Prussia when she means Russia and Russia when she means Prussia, every single time.
  41. She's right. It's so confusing.
  42. I'm teaching this stuff directly from the textbook.
  43. World War I almost never comes up in real life.
  44. NICOLE. YOU CAN'T FACTOR IN CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WHILE GRADING MIDTERMS. ITS UNPROFESSIONAL.
  45. Sarah Burns gets a B.
  46. She doesn't deserve that, Nicole.
  47. Shut up, Nicole.
  48. No, you shut up, Nicole.
  49. Kyle Paulson definitely failed this test, and I cannot think about the beautiful Moleskine he gave me.
  50. Kyle's essay is a picture of me and Santa Claus with the caption "ho-ho-hoping for a Christmas miracle, Mrs. B!"
  51. It's adorable.
  52. And so, so unacceptable.
  53. D?
  54. Nicole, no. F.
  55. He guessed "A" for every multiple choice.
  56. I mean, I guess some are correct, but still.
  57. But it's Christmas.
  58. Christmas doesn't affect grades.
  59. But why not?
  60. Teachers aren't Santa, Nicole.
  61. He gets a D.
  62. Oh wait.
  63. Maybe, I can curve the grades!
  64. Yes! Yes! Yes! If no one gets an A I can totally curve the grades!
  65. I can be Santa.
  66. Ok, last up is Susie Moore.
  67. Susie, please don't get an A.
  68. God, Susie is such a know-it-all.
  69. What 8th grader knows this much about the Ottoman Empire?
  70. Susie deserves an A.
  71. Susie didn't get me a goddamn thing for Christmas.
  72. B.