The Thoughts of a Woman Who Fought To Play The Music At a Party, As Her Phone Plays a Spotify Ad

  1. God, Rachel's music sucks.
  2. Like, I get that this indie stuff is nice for like drinking wine on a porch or whatever.
  3. But it's not really party music, you know?
  4. I can't just take control though.
  5. That's so aggressive.
  6. It's the ultimate "I disrespect you and think I am better than you" move.
  7. Unplugging someone's phone at a party and plugging yours in is like taking down someone's Christmas decorations and putting on your own.
  8. Play it right, Casey.
  9. "Let's dance! Rachel, put on some dance music."
  10. Rachel doesn't have dance music, and everyone knows it.
  11. Poor Rachel struggling to find something upbeat.
  12. The Decemberists can't save her.
  13. I've won.
  14. I'm a monster.
  15. No, Casey, no. You are saving the party.
  16. Keith and Jessica invite us over explicitly so we can remind them of how we used to party in college.
  17. If they wanted a chill night, they would've put out cheese plates.
  18. They invited Chris and his roommates. You don't invite Chris and his roommates if you want a low key night. This is a goddamn party.
  19. "Oh, no, Rachel. Whatever you want is fine. I don't need to play the music."
  20. Oh, Rachel is demanding I play the music now.
  21. She knows. She sees right through me.
  22. Abort. Abort.
  23. Clueless Lou is offering to play music.
  24. Lou always plays the same three 50 Cent songs. He's not playing the music.
  25. Rachel is acting all "no, really. It's fine. Play your music, Casey."
  26. Is this worth pissing Rach off?
  27. It's already a thing. Make a move.
  28. "Wait, have you guys heard the new Ariana Grande? It's fire."
  29. I'm in.
  30. Put on the party mix you created on the subway here.
  31. Playing "KC'S BANGIN MIX FOR KEITH AND JESSICA'S MEMORIAL DAY THING."
  32. There we go.
  33. You did it, Casey. You got control.
  34. Oh man, just like that Kyle is dancing.
  35. I just turned the party on.
  36. I'm a party hero.
  37. Let's drink.
  38. I should be a DJ. I really think I could be a DJ.
  39. Helen knows the words. I did it right.
  40. Even Jessica is dancing. Oh man. This is amazing.
  41. What was the next song I put on the playlist?
  42. HELL YEAH, I PUT ON BEIBER. GREAT JOB, PAST ME.
  43. What the average party DJ doesn't understand is that we want the cliché songs.
  44. No one wants to listen to a new song at a party.
  45. Parties are hard enough without having to learn something new.
  46. "IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRY?"
  47. Sing it right in Rachel's face. She won't be able to resist.
  48. DAMN RIGHT, RACHEL IS DANCING.
  49. Oh hell yes.
  50. There's a lot of people here I don't know.
  51. Chris looks good. I wonder if he's still seeing that girl with that ridiculous Upstate New York accent.
  52. What was next on the playlist?
  53. I don't remember what song this is.
  54. Oh.
  55. Oh no.
  56. It's a Spotify Premium ad.
  57. That's right. I had to get a new credit card and I never signed back up with the new card information because I was like "no worries. Everyone has Spotify Premium these days. I'll use someone else's when I need to."
  58. Oh god. Everyone has just stopped moving and is listening to this man talking about how a song can change the world and that I can get three months free for only 99 cents.
  59. "Um, I'm sorry. I recently got a new credit card and haven't changed my info."
  60. Turn it down, Casey. Now.
  61. "Yes, Lou. I know I can sign up for three months for only 99 cents. I just forgot that my account lapsed."
  62. Just ride it out.
  63. Like ten people just walked away.
  64. It's over.
  65. ...and now a KFC ad.
  66. Oh god. Oh god. This is a disaster.
  67. Colonel Sanders sounds TERRIBLE over Keith's state of the art stereo system.
  68. "IT'LL JUST BE ONE MORE AD."
  69. Everyone thinks you're poor now, Casey.
  70. I mean, I have 99 cents.
  71. They know I have 99 cents, right?
  72. It's just normally the idea that I think I'm special enough that I can't sit through a few ads is insane to me.
  73. "Yes, Rachel, I know that Spotify Premium is really worth it."
  74. Ok it's over. Let's go, Rihanna or whoever.
  75. A Hilton ad? A goddamn Hilton ad?
  76. "NO, RACHEL, I'VE GOT THIS. I'M PLAYING THE MUSIC, OK?!"
  77. Casey, stop trying to dance to this Hilton ad.
  78. Chris just yawned.
  79. My hubris killed the party.
  80. Rachel is about to unplug my phone. I lost.
  81. And no amount of 25% off booking at participating Hiltons will change that.
  82. OH WAIT, THAT DUMB NEW DRAKE SONG JUST CAME ON.
  83. Everyone is back. Everyone has forgotten all about the ads.
  84. I did it. I regained the party.
  85. Casey, hurry. You have three songs to sign up for Spotify premium.