The Thoughts of a Woman Who Won $1 Million in Mcdonald's Monopoly at 3am, as She Finishes Her Fries

  1. "Yes sir, I know the Uber thing says I live around the corner, but here is fine."
  2. Lay off dude it's 3am and tonight sucked and I'm getting McDonalds.
  3. Lessssgo. This is a good decision.
  4. Why do I even go to bars with my friends anymore. Everyone is in a relationship besides, like, Lauren, and then they all couple up and leave early, and I look like an asshole for getting drunk and going home alone.
  5. Don't pretend you are going to go out if you aren't going to go out, you know?
  6. Ok, Lea, what do you want?
  7. Everything.
  8. "One sec."
  9. Oh, it's Monopoly season again!
  10. I never know when it's Monopoly anymore. I guess that's growing up.
  11. "What can I order that will give me the most Monopoly pieces?"
  12. I like peeling them off.
  13. "Ok, I'll have the Big Mac, 10 piece McNuggets, large fries, and a medium soft drink. That's like 8 pieces, right? Yeah."
  14. Whatever. It's after 3am. Food doesn't count. No one will ever know. I'll go to the gym tomorrow.
  15. "No, I don't want a hash brown, thank you."
  16. Luke was such a dick to me tonight. What was that about?
  17. "No, I don't care if the hash browns have monopoly pieces too, but thank you."
  18. I don't want hash browns, man. I don't believe in your breakfast all day bullshit. If breakfast is all day then everything is breakfast and breakfast is nothing.
  19. I should tweet that.
  20. "THANK YOU."
  21. I should eat this at home.
  22. Na.
  23. Alright, Big Mac. What you got for me?
  24. BOOOOOO, BALTIC AVE.
  25. And Boardwalk, hey!
  26. I bet you everyone gets Boardwalk this year, and there's like not even a Park Place.
  27. This Big Mac is good because it's just a burger with more bread, and bread is great.
  28. Ok, soda, you got a North Carolina Ave... and a Reading Railroad.
  29. Fuck off, Reading Railroad.
  30. I should have gotten Sprite instead of Coke.
  31. I'm going to be hungover tomorrow.
  32. Nuggets. Atlantic Ave and St. James Place. Ok, I'll take it.
  33. Fries, give me, like, an instant win soft serve. I need a win tonight.
  34. A SECOND BALTIC AVE?!
  35. Of course I'd get a second Baltic Ave. That's who I am. Two Baltic Aves Lea.
  36. I'm pathetic. I'm going to regret this so much tomorrow.
  37. One last piece. Come on.
  38. Park place.
  39. Hmmmm.
  40. Yeah, I have Boardwalk, and I have Park Place.
  41. I have won one million dollars.
  42. Holy shit!!!!
  43. What... Uh, what do I do now?
  44. I WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
  45. Wow.
  46. Do I... do I finish eating?
  47. Like, I paid for this food.
  48. I'm a millionaire!
  49. Does one million dollars make you a millionaire? Or do you need two?
  50. What should I do? Like, right now?
  51. Do I take them to the counter?
  52. No, right? They don't have a million dollars back there, I don't think.
  53. I CAN QUIT MY SHITTY JOB AND PAY OFF MY LOANS.
  54. Hahahahahahaha!!!!!
  55. Ha...
  56. Hmmm.
  57. I guess I finish these fries, huh?
  58. It feels weird to sit here and finish my meal, but like, what's the alternative?
  59. Do I leave? Everyone is sleeping right now.
  60. These fries are going to get cold.
  61. These nuggets are good. I think their nuggets are better than Burger King's, regardless of what other people say.
  62. I have a million more dollars than I did ten minutes ago.
  63. There's nothing I can really buy right now though.
  64. Other than more McDonald's.
  65. Like, I'm still drunk and hungry. That didn't change.
  66. Lea, stop looking for affirmation that it's ok to finish your meal after winning a million dollars. Of course it's ok.
  67. I forgot to get ranch dipping sauce.
  68. That was supposed to come free with the nugs, right?
  69. Lea, you can afford all the ranch you want now.
  70. But it's the principle of the thing.
  71. Oh man, I think I'm too drunk to have won a million dollars. I don't really know what to do.
  72. I wonder if Lauren is still up.
  73. Or Luke, but he was being such a dickhead for whatever reason. I don't want him to be the first to know I won a million dollars.
  74. I'll text him "u up?"
  75. Fries and nuggets taste so much better when you know you have a million dollars.
  76. Luke texted me back "so now you're interested?"
  77. Wait. Is Luke into me?
  78. OH, so now that I have all this money, Luke is finally into me. What a scum bag.
  79. No, Lea, he doesn't know that.
  80. Oh, wait, I think Luke was mad I was talking to other guys.
  81. LUKE IS INTO ME!
  82. AND I HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS!
  83. Everything is coming up Lea.
  84. LAST NUGGET, COME AT ME.
  85. Are there more fries in the bag?
  86. No...
  87. Damn it.