1. Is this one of those goodie bag parties?
  2. Good for Vox.com for having a party though. I'm always surprised by which publications are big enough to throw parties.
  3. "I'd love an artichoke heart."
  4. Damn, that's good.
  5. Goat cheese and artichoke. Who'd have thought?
  6. Ok, network.
  7. You are the king of this terrible town. You have nothing to worry about.
  8. "Hello. Yes, of course I know Casey. We did a pilot together."
  9. Small talk. Small talk. Remind everyone that you are a 30 under 30.
  10. "Well right now I'm tied up in the Excalibur sequel- yes, yes, I got that part."
  11. Act like you are grateful but still slightly above the young adult medieval dystopian blockbuster that you owe your entire career to.
  12. Scan the room. There's gotta be one of the superhero actors here somewhere.
  13. Hell, I'll talk to an X-Man. I want in on that.
  14. Oh God.
  15. Damn it.
  16. Travis Keller just walked in.
  17. I took his part in Excalibur: Arthur Rises.
  18. This is awkward.
  19. What do I do?
  20. Do I say hello and be like "the biz, ya know?" and hope he says "yep, the biz!"
  21. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
  22. He's going to be mad at me.
  23. He told the press he wanted to move on. It's ok. It's not a big deal. Everything is great. We can be friends.
  24. Everyone tells the press they wanted to move on, Ricky. Don't be a moron.
  25. Travis probably wanted more money and you are a cheap whore.
  26. So you stole the part of the grizzled loner Galahad from him.
  27. I should hide.
  28. "Excuse me. I have to go to the powder room."
  29. Why did I just touch my nose like I'm about to do coke? Literally any other excuse to leave would have been better.
  30. Although if it comes out that Ricky Lowry has a drug problem, I could maybe parlay that into an indie where I play a role that's "close to home."
  31. Ok, get away from Travis.
  32. He was a great Galahad. A real fan favorite. Faithful to the books.
  33. Which you haven't even read, you stupid pretty boy.
  34. The Internet is right. You are CW trash.
  35. Oh no, producers.
  36. "Hello, nice to meet you. Yes, I hope to honor Galahad's continued fractured relationship with Arthur."
  37. Oh no. Travis is making his way over.
  38. "Yes, Galahad should not have kissed the Lady of the Lake, and the second movie promises to really dig into that."
  39. Maybe he won't care. Anyone could have replaced him. He probably forgot all about it.
  40. It's just weird.
  41. Maybe I could play it off like "any Galahad tips?" like we are both just two boys from the Midwest trying to make it in Hollyweird.
  42. He probably knows you were born here, Ricky. You have LA Kid written all over you.
  43. "Why, yes. I'd love a lobster tart."
  44. Damn. These shouldn't work, but they do.
  45. Travis just looked at me.
  46. No he didn't. Do a sweeping bored look and see if he is still looking at me.
  47. He's still looking at me.
  48. We made eye contact.
  49. Look away, Ricky. Run. Run from movies forever.
  50. He's making a beeline right to me.
  51. Like Galahad in the first movie when he reprimands Arthur for awakening the horde.
  52. "Excuse me gentleman, I have to... do some drugs."
  53. What is wrong with you, Ricky?
  54. Ok, leave.
  55. Oh no, Paparazzi. Go the other way. Go the other way.
  56. Oh, there he is.
  57. "Hello. Travis is it? I guess I'm Galahad now hahahahahaha."
  58. I hope he read that as nervous laughter and not maniacal villain laughter.
  59. He is laughing and says it's all good.
  60. "The biz, right?"
  61. He laughed and repeated "the biz"!
  62. Oh phew. This is great.
  63. "Any advice for playing Galahad?"
  64. This is really nice of him to show me how the proper technique of axe-throwing.
  65. Oh no, now he's telling me to never trust the studio.
  66. He's getting angry.
  67. Like Galahad when Merlin insisted magic is stronger than heart.
  68. Oh no. Everyone is looking. He's really ranting. This is a thing.
  69. "Yeah, well, money-grubbing studios, right?"
  70. Don't encourage him, Ricky.
  71. Oh, well, now he's turned his anger on me.
  72. "Hey man, I didn't mean to steal-"
  73. Oh boy. He's really going off.
  74. "Yes, I'd love a bacon pudding bowl."
  75. What even is bacon-
  76. "WOAH, DUDE."
  77. Woah, he just knocked the bacon pudding bowl out of my hand.
  78. He wants to fight. Winner gets to be the real Galahad.
  79. That's not how contracts work.
  80. "That's not how con-"
  81. OW.
  82. He punched me in the face.
  83. He punched me in the face at the Vox.com Post-Critics Choice Awards Gala.
  84. "Hey man, I'm sorry, again. Let's be bros."
  85. Ricky, don't apologize. Your face hurts so bad.
  86. "But maybe we can talk-"
  87. He just kneed me in the stomach.
  88. The Internet is going to love this. The true Galahad beats up the imposter.
  89. That's not fair. I deserve this. I work hard.
  90. "FOR ARTHUR!"
  91. Wow, punching someone hurts.
  92. And I have to just keep punching him.
  93. This is great character research.