The Thoughts of an Actress Who's Not Sure if the Misspelled Name on the Callback Sheet is Her's

  1. It's 7:10. They said they'd put up the callback list up at 7:00. I can't handle this.
  2. I hope I get it.
  3. Kristen, you actually just thought "I hope I get it." You should be kicked out of being an actress.
  4. I just want to know if I have to call in again to work and say I can't make it.
  5. THE GUY WITH THE CLIPBOARD IS HERE.
  6. Oh, look how smug he is, not saying anything, taking his time to post the list.
  7. All the girls are waiting till he leaves before they mob the list.
  8. I'm just going to walk right up to the sheet like the confident person I pretend to be.
  9. He smiled at me and left.
  10. I'm so in.
  11. Ok, scanning the board.
  12. Kristen Calloway....Kristen Calloway... Where are you?
  13. There! There I am-
  14. That says "Kirsten Callowsby."
  15. That's not my name.
  16. What are the chances that a Kristen Calloway and a Kirsten Callowsby both tried out for the same part?
  17. It's probably me.
  18. But what if it's not?
  19. They are going to start calling us in for callbacks in five minutes. What if they call "Kirsten Callowsby" and I get up but the real Kirsten Callowsby accuses me of being an imposter.
  20. Find out if there's a Kirsten. Hurry.
  21. How?
  22. "...Kirsten."
  23. I just coughed the name "Kirsten."
  24. That girl just looked at me! That could be Kirsten Callowsby.
  25. Or she looked at you because you said something out loud right next to her face.
  26. Say it again.
  27. "Kirsten."
  28. She didn't look at me, but a different girl did.
  29. Girl with a pink ribbon, are you Kirsten Callowsby?
  30. Yell it.
  31. No, I don't want to look like an idiot in front of Kirsten Callowsby, who is probably a real person who is a way better actress than boring old Kristen Calloway.
  32. Yell it.
  33. "KIRSTEN."
  34. A bunch of people looked at me, but it's because I'm yelling.
  35. This is mom's fault for naming me Kristen.
  36. I have never been called the right name by a teacher taking attendance the first day.
  37. Kristen looks too much like Kirsten, and Kristine, and Christian, and Christine.
  38. I get Christina once a week. There's no "a" there. Everyone just straight up adds a syllable that doesn't exist.
  39. I should stick around for callbacks. Kirsten probably means Kristen.
  40. Yeah, but "Callowsby?"
  41. That's adding a whole entire "B" to "Calloway."
  42. That's not a mistake. That seems intentional. "B" is a bold letter to add to a word.
  43. Ok, see if there's a Callowsby here, but be subtle and quiet about it. If that's someone's name, they will hear it.
  44. Like how a dog perks up when it hears its name.
  45. I miss my dog. I should move home and stop trying to be an actress.
  46. "...Callowsby.... Oh, Callowsby..."
  47. Ok, all the girls are looking at me, but no one is saying "yes?," which is what I would do if some maniac who's likely too short for the part started muttering "Calloway" over and over while scanning the room.
  48. I don't think Kirsten Callowsby is here.
  49. I should own it. Kristen Callowsby is an ok stage name.
  50. I'll have to apologize to my grandfather for abandoning the family name, but he will either learn to forgive me or die soon.
  51. I should just go home. Yeah, I'm not going to risk it. I'm going to go home.
  52. NO. YOU ARE KRISTEN CALLOWAY, AND YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THE ROLE OF BIFFA IN THIS OFF-OFF-BROADWAY, GENDER-SWAPPED, MODERN RETELLING OF "DEATH OF A SALESMAN."
  53. You are staying. They are going to call some version of your name any second now, and you are going to walk in with confidence and crush it and also find a way to make rent this month and pay back the money you borrowed from Grace so you could afford headshots that don't even look like you.
  54. Here comes Clipboard Man.
  55. He called my name.
  56. Well, kind of. He called "Kirsten Callowsby."
  57. No one is getting up.
  58. I think I'm good.
  59. "Here-"
  60. THE GIRL WITH THE PINK RIBBON STOOD UP AND SAID "HERE" TOO.
  61. WHY THE HELL DID SHE NOT SAY ANYTHING WHEN I WAS MUTTERING "Callowsby" OVER AND OVER AGAIN?!
  62. AND WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT THERE ARE TWO TWENTY-SOMETHING, CUTE BUT NOT HOT BRUNETTES GOING OUT FOR THE SAME ROLE WHO ARE NAMED SOME VERSION OF "KRISTEN/KIRSTEN CALLOWAY/CALLOWSBY?!"
  63. Clipboard man is confused. He asks again which of us is Kirsten Callowsby.
  64. "She is. Sorry for the mistake. Bye."
  65. KIRSTEN, NO.
  66. MY NAME IS FUCKING KRISTEN, KRISTEN.
  67. AND I NEED THIS PART.
  68. "Well I am Kristen Calloway. Do you mean me?"
  69. He looked down at his clipboard. He thinks he needs Kristen Callowsby.
  70. Wait, the girl with the pink bow just said her name is Kristine Callonsway.
  71. That's a third different name.
  72. What the hell is going on-
  73. WAIT I HAVE A SHOT. THERE IS NO KRISTEN CALLOWSBY. I COULD STILL BE HER.
  74. Clipboard man just ran back into the studio.
  75. Oh no, here comes Scary Glasses Lady from the audition.
  76. Clipboard man is asking her which of us she wanted for callbacks.
  77. She's looking us up and down.
  78. Should I pose? Is that weird?
  79. She says she can't remember. She's seen a lot of brunettes today. And if she can't remember, it's probably not worth it.
  80. I should leave. Chasing dreams is not worth it. This is a nightmare. Acting is a nightmare. Dreams are a nightmare.
  81. If I go home after this debacle, it'll be weeks before I regain confidence to go out for another part...
  82. "I'm pretty sure you meant me."
  83. JUST WALK INTO THE STUDIO BEFORE THEY CAN SAY ANYTHING.
  84. Hurry, start reading the sides before they can complain.
  85. "I even believed myself that I'd be a reality starlet for her! And I realized what a ridiculous lie my whole life has been!"
  86. HOLY SHIT. GOOD JOB, KIRSTEN. KRISTINE, KRISTEN, WHATEVER YOUR FUCKING NAME IS.
  87. I feel bad for Kristine Callonsway though.
  88. Also, I never called out of work, so there goes another waitressing job.