The Thoughts of Someone in the Shower Who Misjudged When Their Seamless Was Going to Be Delivered

  1. What's that noise?
  2. It's probably Sarah, coming home early from her date.
  3. Quick, turn off the shower.
  4. There it is again.
  5. It's the buzzer.
  6. Rebecca, it's the GODDAMN BUZZER.
  7. YOUR FOOD IS HERE.
  8. NO. NO. NO. NO.
  9. THE SEAMLESS CRYSTAL BALL SAID IT WOULDN'T BE HERE TILL 7:45-8:05.
  10. NO. NO. NO. NO.
  11. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
  12. My hair is shampoo.
  13. GRAB A TOWEL AND SPRINT.
  14. Goddamn shower curtain falls on me if you so much as touch it.
  15. "SARAH, SARAH, ARE YOU HOME?! CAN YOU GRAB MY FOOD?"
  16. Silence. Sarah is still out with that guy.
  17. Sarah doesn't need to order Seamless and finish watching Treasure Planet on Netflix in order to remember if it's good or not.
  18. He keeps buzzing.
  19. "I'M COMING. I'M COMING."
  20. He can't hear you, Rebecca. You are yelling at no one but that cat that sometimes sits on the fire escape.
  21. I'm dry enough.
  22. Run to the intercom. Clean up the puddles later.
  23. "HI, COME UP. FIFTH FLOOR."
  24. "YES. 4F, BUT FIFTH FLOOR."
  25. "APARTMENT 4F, BUT IT'S ON THE FIFTH FLOOR."
  26. I don't understand it either.
  27. I thought it was a fun quirk of the building when I moved in, but I have never successfully received a package.
  28. He will never find it.
  29. "I'M COMING DOWN."
  30. Did he just say "Hurry"? Would he leave?!
  31. CAN I RUN DOWN IN A TOWEL?! IS THAT ACCEPTABLE?
  32. GRAB A T-SHIRT, AND THE SWEATS YOU'VE BEEN IN ALL DAY.
  33. WHAT CAN BE SHOES RIGHT NOW?!
  34. NO TIME FOR KEYS. LEAVE DOOR OPEN.
  35. SPRINT. SPRINT. SPRINT.
  36. JUMP DOWN THESE STAIRS.
  37. MY TOES ARE IN SARAH'S RUNNING SHOES, BUT MY HEELS ARE JUST FLOPPING AROUND.
  38. OH, I DID NOT PICK AN APPROPRIATE SHIRT.
  39. GUESS THE SUM HING PALACE GUY IS IN FOR A SHOW.
  40. I HOPE IT'S THE OLD GUY, AND NOT THE YOUNGER, MORE JUDGEY GUY.
  41. I need to either learn their names or not be in a position to know the different types of delivery guys.
  42. A fifth floor walk up wasn't a good idea even before the rent increase.
  43. IT'S THE YOUNGER, MORE JUDGEY ONE.
  44. "Hi. Delivery?"
  45. Why did you just ask the guy with a bag and a bike helmet if he was the delivery guy?
  46. You saw him yesterday. Of course he's the delivery.
  47. "THANKS!"
  48. Run away before he can ask why you look like the girl from The Ring.
  49. You did it, Rebecca.
  50. You got your food even though you were in the shower.
  51. This was the thing you did today.
  52. He forgot the extra order of dumplings.
  53. I'm not going to say anything.
  54. Don't slip on the puddles.