The Thoughts of Someone Who Does Not Have Enough Articles of Clothing to Save Eight Seats

  1. Victoria texted that they are running late but to save them seats.
  2. There's 7 of them.
  3. I have a hat and a jacket.
  4. Ok, run.
  5. Put your hat on the first seat.
  6. Then your jacket on the 8th seat.
  7. Then sit in the middle?
  8. "Sorry, those seats are taken."
  9. "Yeah these ones too."
  10. 8 is too many seats to save.
  11. This is unacceptable.
  12. It's opening night of "A Force Awakens."
  13. This guy is dressed like Kylo Ren.
  14. He doesn't even know anything about Kylo Ren, but he dressed up as him anyway.
  15. And I have to tell him he can't have these good seats.
  16. Because Victoria and Chris and everybody are late.
  17. "Sorry, these seats are taken."
  18. "Yeah these ones on the other side are taken too."
  19. Should I pace back and forth?
  20. Like a guard.
  21. Like a seat guard.
  22. This always happens to you, Rich.
  23. You show up early and have to be the bad guy so everyone can prance in late and enjoy the show.
  24. Remember that festival where you had to reserve a giant plot of land?
  25. It's so hard to explain that grass is reserved.
  26. I'm unbuttoning my shirt and using it to reserve another seat.
  27. Enjoy my wifebeater, adorable Chewbacca couple behind me.
  28. There.
  29. I have marked my territory.
  30. Like some kind of wild animal in a pissing contest with a rival wolf.
  31. Paul is here!
  32. "PAUL, OVER HERE."
  33. How does he not see me?
  34. Text from Paul: "where are you?"
  35. I'm the one yelling "Paul."
  36. What does Paul mean he's going to go get some popcorn?
  37. "NO, HELP ME RESERVE SEATS."
  38. "Ok, fine, give me your coat and scarf."
  39. "I don't care if the lobby is cold."
  40. Ok, 5 seats have clothes on them. I'm in one seat. Only two open seats.
  41. "Sorry, all these seats are taken."
  42. "I agree it's ridiculous, but... sorry."
  43. Everyone hates me.
  44. Victoria only just watched Star Wars, and only because Chris made her.
  45. Don't let this make you that guy, Rich. Star Wars is for everyone.
  46. Why do we need to see this movie with 7 other people though?
  47. It's not like we are going to be hanging out during the movie.
  48. I know Chris, Victoria, Paul, Evan, and Sarah.
  49. I don't care about Kylie and Pete, whoever they are.
  50. Hey Victoria, don't invite work friends to something that's supposed to just be about me, Chris, Evan, and Paul.
  51. Again, Rich, don't be that guy. Sarah is a pretty big fan.
  52. She says.
  53. STOP, RICH, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DAY, AND YOU CAN'T BE ALL NERD TERRITORIAL ABOUT IT.
  54. All that's left are sprinklings of solo seats.
  55. Oh no, guys dressed as Stormtroopers.
  56. "Sorry, seats are taken."
  57. "No, I know these two don't have clothes on them, but they are saved too."
  58. "Because I ran out of clothes."
  59. They don't accept this.
  60. And they won't take off their masks.
  61. It's scary.
  62. "Here, does this settle it?"
  63. I cannot believe I just put a shoe on each seat.
  64. I am way too close to naked.
  65. Are they going to watch the movie in those masks?
  66. "Are you going to watch the movie in those masks?"
  67. They don't find this funny.
  68. The Stormtroopers want to fight me.
  69. And I don't even have shoes to run away.
  70. "Fine, you can have these two seats at the end."
  71. Sorry, Kylie and Pete.
  72. Oh, NOW the whole gang comes marching in.
  73. "Sorry, could only serve 6 seats."
  74. "No, I DID try, Chris."
  75. Oh man, if Chris turns this into a thing about how I don't like Victoria, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.
  76. Chris is volunteering to sit by himself.
  77. Like some sort of goddamn martyr.
  78. It's a movie. We are all going to see it.
  79. Kylie and Pete are insisting. Goodbye, Kylie and Pete, whoever you are.
  80. Movie is starting. Let's just sit wherever.
  81. NO, NO, NO, DO NOT MAKE ME SIT NEXT TO THE STORMTROOPERS.
  82. I'm going again tomorrow by myself.
  83. Where did my shoes go?