Thoughts of a Coach Who Just Got Soaked in Gatorade as He Tries Not to Get the Opposing Coach Sticky

  1. AHHHHHHHHH!
  2. IT'S GATORADE!
  3. "Hahahaha, you got me! You got me!"
  4. OH MAN, AM I WET AND COLD!
  5. BUT WE WON, SO I DON'T CARE!
  6. "I LOVE YOU GUYS!"
  7. OH BOY, I AM JUST DRIPPING WITH YELLOW GATORADE.
  8. HAHAHAHA WE WON.
  9. Ok, enough. Be professional. Find the opposing coach, grab him close, and whisper in his ear that they put up a great fight.
  10. Oh boy, it's very cold when running.
  11. I'm really leaving behind quite the trail of Gatorade.
  12. Where is he? Poor guy probably just wants to leave.
  13. Since he lost and I won.
  14. There he is. Duck through the cameras.
  15. Wait.
  16. I'm so wet.
  17. I'm going to get him sticky.
  18. And it's ok that I'm sticky because I won.
  19. But to lose and be sticky?
  20. That's miserable.
  21. Quick, go back for towels.
  22. It's too late. He's coming towards me.
  23. He's going to go back to his locker room and be like "that asshole beat me and then got my coat so sticky."
  24. Oh no, what if he doesn't notice till he gets in his car and he ruins the seat?
  25. Just sort of rub off on the crowd. Use the crowd to dry off.
  26. Where's my players? I need to hug my players.
  27. I can get my players sticky. They won.
  28. There's Antoine. He's a big guy. Hug him.
  29. "Antoine! We did it!"
  30. Ok, now really use him to dry off. Sort of rub his back a little bit.
  31. I'm not normally this affectionate. I worry he won't fear me after this.
  32. I'll make Antoine run laps at practice Monday.
  33. "Na, bring it closer! Thanks man."
  34. I can't get the other coach sticky. That's just rude.
  35. I'm still so wet.
  36. An entire cooler of Gatorade was dumped on me.
  37. He's coming towards me. He wants to shake my hand and draw me in close so that my sticky, wet body is up against his.
  38. You can't beat a man and then rub Gatorade residue on him. That's just something you don't do.
  39. Quick, grab one of the hats they are handing out to the winning team.
  40. Use the hat to dry off. Hurry.
  41. Hats aren't that absorbent.
  42. Here he is.
  43. Shake his hand. Do not press up against him.
  44. Oh no. The press.
  45. I am being pushed towards him.
  46. "You guys put up a hell of a fight."
  47. Oh man, oh man. I'm dripping Gatorade all over him.
  48. He lost and now he has to get secondhand Gatorade wet.
  49. Do I apologize for the Gatorade?
  50. That may seem like I'm bragging.
  51. I am soaking wet. It's weird not to address that.
  52. "Sorry."
  53. Now he's going to think I'm sorry for beating him.
  54. Which I'm not.
  55. He just pulled me closer to ask what I just said.
  56. Oh man, I can see the wet spots I left on his jacket.
  57. "I said sorry. About how I'm sticky. The Gatorade."
  58. He's looking at me like I didn't just beat him in the NFC championship game.
  59. "You guys put up a hell of a fight."
  60. I already said that.
  61. He's jogging away, sort of wet.
  62. I'll send him a new jacket later.
  63. He's the coach of the Green Bay Packers. He has plenty of jackets.
  64. Goddamn, now I look like a real moron.
  65. Ugh. Why can't I do anything right?
  66. At least I'm going to the Super Bowl, I guess.
  67. Is it presumptuous to pack extra towels for the Super Bowl?