Thoughts of a Conservationist Who Is Really Excited to See a Herd of Moose but Has a Date Tonight

  1. Wow. A whole herd of moose in the middle of the street. Must be twenty of them!
  2. This is what I'm talking about!
  3. Ok, out of the road guys.
  4. Must be five or six calves.
  5. That's good for the moose population in our area.
  6. Alright. Time to move.
  7. I don't want to honk because who says I have any more of a right to be here than you guys do.
  8. But just clear a path.
  9. Let's go.
  10. God, look at the antlers on that one bull.
  11. Must be six feet across!
  12. Gotta take a quick photo for the boys back at the park service.
  13. Gary's going to lose his mind when he sees this.
  14. OK, GUYS, LET'S GO.
  15. Jen is waiting.
  16. What are they even doing? They are just standing in the middle of the road.
  17. Being majestic.
  18. But still.
  19. What if I gave a friendly honk?
  20. Yeah, so the next guy coming down the street doesn't hit them.
  21. No. This is their habitat.
  22. Should I text Jen?
  23. I was supposed to pick her up 15 minutes ago.
  24. The calves are playing! Aw.
  25. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a date in Northern Vermont?
  26. The bull moose is just staring at me.
  27. Hey, I respect you.
  28. Now, move.
  29. Jen just moved up here to get away from the city, and I know for a fact Gary will ask her out if things fall through with us.
  30. I should have said something like "hey, I may be late, never know when there may be a moose," to play up the whole folksy Vermont thing.
  31. But that's what everyone does.
  32. And what I like about Jen is that I don't have to do that whole rustic "possum stole my pie from the windowsill" thing.
  33. I can just be me with her.
  34. Moose aren't even endangered.
  35. They are even overpopulated in some areas.
  36. As evidenced by the fifty moose in the road.
  37. Wait, how are there more moose than before?
  38. Is this a moose meeting?
  39. Is that a thing?
  40. Rick, you really should know this. You work for the park service.
  41. There's no way a moose meeting is a thing.
  42. Jen is so pretty.
  43. But I can't bother these moose. That goes against everything I stand for.
  44. She's gonna realize how out of her league I am when I show up an hour late because I wouldn't honk at moose.
  45. Honk at the moose, Rick.
  46. Your cologne is fading, and you will smell of moose.
  47. It took you weeks to ask Jen out, and she actually said "took you long enough" when you did.
  48. Ok, there's like a hundred moose now.
  49. This is a truly beautiful and amazing sight.
  50. I'm going to try to drive through them.
  51. Ok, bull moose, I'm inching closer and closer. Move.
  52. Closer. Closer. Closer.
  53. I just tapped him.
  54. I lightly tapped the bull moose.
  55. And he's still just staring.
  56. This is so weird.
  57. Did Gary send these moose to ruin your date?
  58. No, that's insane.
  59. TEXT FROM JEN.
  60. "Did the park ranger get lost? 😉"
  61. She's so cool.
  62. I'm honking.
  63. YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, SCATTER MOOSE, SCATTER.
  64. THEY'RE MOVING. KEEP HONKING.
  65. Ok. It's just me and you, bull moose.
  66. Revving the engine.
  67. I will hit you, bull moose.
  68. I'M GOING. FOOT IS OFF THE BREAK.
  69. Did he just lightly bow to me?
  70. I think the bull moose just lightly bowed and left.
  71. No, I'm a park ranger.
  72. That's insane.
  73. I think I love Jen.