Thoughts of a Guy at a Festival Trying to Find His Friend Who Says He's Near a Giant Windmill Thing

  1. A giant windmill thing?
  2. What the hell is Brian talking about?
  3. There's no giant windmill thing.
  4. Text him that.
  5. God, I'm never going to find him. We should have came together.
  6. Does he mean this huge bird sculpture?
  7. Text him that.
  8. Do... you mean... the huge bird sculpture...
  9. A text!
  10. He says he's near a giant sculpture but he's not sure if it's a bird. It looks more like an angry flower.
  11. Well, this sculpture is clearly a bird, so either Brian is crazy or he's talking about something different.
  12. Just call him.
  13. "BRIAN! HEY! YEAH, ARE YOU NEAR THE MOTOROLA CHILLOUT TENT?"
  14. Ok, he says he's near the Sprite bathrooms.
  15. "OK, I THINK I SEE THEM. STAY ON THE PHONE."
  16. "I SAID STAY ON THE PHONE. NO, DON'T TEXT ME. STAY ON-"
  17. Ok, bathrooms. Bathrooms.
  18. BATHROOMS!
  19. Wait, these are the Coca-Cola bathrooms. Is that different from the Sprite bathrooms? I think it is.
  20. He just texted me that he's near Tent J.
  21. I'm near a Tent C.
  22. Ok, find Tent D and go from there.
  23. God damn it, we have to find Erica after this. We never should have split up.
  24. Wait, there's Tent R.
  25. Why did it go from Tent C to Tent R? Are the tents not in alphabetical order? That's insane.
  26. He's calling.
  27. "I'M NEAR TENT R. NEAR THE ROCK CLIMBING WALL."
  28. He's now near the vert ramps. Tony Hawk is there.
  29. That sounds cool. I want to be near Tony Hawk.
  30. "WHAT'S, LIKE, BIG NEAR YOU? LIKE, TALL?"
  31. Ok, he says he's south of the Netflix Presents: DareDevil blimp.
  32. How does he know what south is?
  33. "WHAT'S SOUTH? I'M LIKE ON THE TREES SIDE OF THE BLIMP."
  34. Ok, he says that's east. If that's east, then where is south? What was that acronym for directions?
  35. Never... Eat... Shredded... Wheat.
  36. Erica is calling.
  37. "ERICA WHERE ARE YOU?"
  38. She's near the inflatable Scrat?
  39. "WHO'S SCRAT? OH, FROM ICE AGE?"
  40. Wait, he's right there.
  41. "ERICA, I SEE HIM. WALK TOWARDS THE ARM AND HAMMER MIST ZONE."
  42. There she is. Thank God.
  43. "ERICA! Ok, so Brian says he's south."
  44. She said when she talked to him he was hanging out at the Dove Chocolate Treadmill Arena.
  45. Erica has a map!
  46. Ok, it's a map sponsored by Powerade, so it's very hard to read.
  47. Everything is bright blue.
  48. Erica is convinced Brian is towards the Eric Clapton stage.
  49. This is why I never go to these festivals. They are too overwhelming.
  50. "NO, SIR, I DO NOT WANT YOUR FREE KAISER PERMANENTE SWEATBAND."
  51. Don't take any swag. You still have that little Mucinex doll from last year crowding your apartment.
  52. Wait, there's a giant windmill thing.
  53. "ERICA! THAT'S A GIANT WINDMILL THING."
  54. She says it's more of a giant water wheel.
  55. "YES, BUT I THINK THAT'S WHAT BRIAN MEANT. I'M CALLING HIM."
  56. He didn't answer.
  57. Wait, now he's calling back.
  58. Festivals are awful.
  59. "HEY BRIAN! WE ARE NEAR THE GIANT WINDMILL THING, I THINK. WE SEE, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT, LIKE A RAINBOW DRUGSCAPE MOONBOUNCE?"
  60. He knows what I'm talking about! He's on his way!
  61. This isn't worth it.
  62. I'm never leaving my house again.
  63. "BRIAN!"
  64. HE BROUGHT TONY HAWK.
  65. Festivals are amazing!
  66. Wait, that's just a guy who looks like Tony Hawk.
  67. Let's go to the Bud Lite Drink Responsibly Patio.