Thoughts of a Guy Realizing That He Should Have Brought More Than Carrots to a Friendsgiving Party

  1. Friends and wine and good food: this is the life.
  2. Keith and Jessica are so nice to put this together.
  3. These stuffing balls that Sarah made are amazing. Must have taken her hours.
  4. Woah.
  5. Paul brought a 15 lb turkey.
  6. He had to take a cab just to carry it.
  7. Was carrots not enough?
  8. Oh man, did I mess up again?
  9. On the Facebook group, I said I was bringing carrots, and Keith liked the post, so I assumed that was good.
  10. What did Rachel bring?
  11. GODDAMN IT.
  12. Twenty cupcakes shaped like little turkeys.
  13. With candy corns for beaks.
  14. They are adorable.
  15. I can't have been the only one to bring something small.
  16. LOU!
  17. There's no way Lou brought anything.
  18. Why is Lou going to the kitchen?
  19. Lou is making a hot cinnamon apple cider whiskey in a crockpot.
  20. When did Lou learn how to do that?
  21. Look at your bag of carrots just sitting on the counter.
  22. A bag of regular carrots.
  23. Not even baby carrots, which could be like steamed or whatever.
  24. What were you thinking, Chris?
  25. Yes, Lou, I would love some of your delicious whiskey hot cider.
  26. People I don't know just arrived.
  27. Why do they have so many pies.
  28. One pie is acceptable.
  29. We don't need pecan, apple, and whatever chocolate dream pie is.
  30. It looks pretty good though.
  31. Oh man, I have to meet this couple and be like "I brought the carrots."
  32. "Hi I'm Chris. Those pies look amazing."
  33. They are going to ask.
  34. "I brought carrots."
  35. What did Keith and Jessica mean by "oh, classic Chris."
  36. When did I become this guy?
  37. And when did Lou get his shit together?
  38. Here comes Kyle with a case of craft beer and a green bean casserole.
  39. Imagine if you even brought one of those things, Chris.
  40. When did Friendsgivings even become a thing?
  41. I have five more Friendsgivings this month.
  42. I can't afford them unless I bring, like, carrots every time.
  43. Oh, and Jessica is making a big show about making sure the carrots are used.
  44. Just throw them out, Jessica.
  45. No one is going to eat a carrot at a dinner party.
  46. Maybe I can run out and get mashed potatoes or something.
  47. That's a Thanksgiving thing, right? Mashed potatoes?
  48. Can I buy them mashed?
  49. If I leave and come back with food, that's weird.
  50. Is there someone I can venmo?
  51. I did not contribute properly.
  52. Why do friends need their own Thanksgiving?
  53. And why did Helen bring a whole ham? That's not a Thanksgiving food.
  54. ARE WE REALLY GOING AROUND AND SAYING WHAT WE ARE THANKFUL FOR?!
  55. Oh, what if I said I'm thankful for carrots?
  56. Like I made it a whole joke.
  57. And I become the carrot guy and bring carrots again next year, and I really just own it.
  58. I'm going to do that. It'll be funny.
  59. "I'm thankful for Keith and Jessica for having us and to all my friends old and new for the wonderful food they made tonight."
  60. Goddamn it, Chris, you just said the same thing as everyone else.
  61. I really had no idea how earnest this all was.
  62. I guess it's nice, to just sit and appreciate friendship every now and then.
  63. LOU ALSO MADE A CORN SOUFFLÉ?!