Thoughts of a Guy Who Sees Someone Holding the Door for Him 100 Yards Away, Forcing Him to Kinda Jog

  1. Is that guy...
  2. Oh God, he's holding the door for me.
  3. I'm across an actual football field.
  4. But he for sure is holding the door to the gym open for me.
  5. I am the only person walking across this entire football field to go to the gym after class, and this guy is waiting to hold the door for me.
  6. What an asshole.
  7. Now I have to sort of do a jog to catch the door or else I'm rude.
  8. Oh man, I hate this guy.
  9. I'm way too far away to hold the door open for.
  10. You hold a door for someone if they are, like, 50 feet away.
  11. The length of a bowling lane, tops.
  12. Ok, I'm jogging. I'm jogging in my backpack.
  13. He's just smiling.
  14. I despise this human being with every ounce of my body.
  15. I'm 80 yards away, dude. This is so far.
  16. I should pretend like I'm not going there.
  17. He knows I'm going there. I have a gym bag.
  18. 60 yards away. I'm kind of winded.
  19. I do need to go the gym. Can't turn back now.
  20. I'm alternating between walking and jog-walking.
  21. Now I'm alternating between jog-walking and jog-running.
  22. I'm doing like a hobble thing that's only purpose is to convey "hey thank you for holding the door. I am walking slightly faster than normal to catch up."
  23. My exertion to get to the door quicker > my exertion actually opening the door myself. You are doing me no favors.
  24. Halfway there.
  25. This is such a long time to just stop and stare at someone coming towards you. This isn't the old west, weirdo. Close the door and leave me alone.
  26. Why is he doing this?
  27. THIS ISN'T CHILVERY, SIR. YOU ARE AGGRAVATING MY SHINSPLINTS.
  28. So close, so close, so close.
  29. This guy is the worst kind of person, and I will do my best to never be him.
  30. What... oh.. OW.
  31. I tripped.
  32. I just fell on the 20 yard line.
  33. I will not let myself be embarrassed.
  34. He did this to me.
  35. That jog-monger forced me to be this way, and he must be punished.
  36. "HEY JERK. YEAH, YOU HOLDING THE DOOR. I WAS TOO FAR AWAY TO HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR. THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE. YOU PUT IT ON ME TO BE THE RUDE ONE IF I DIDN'T HURRY UP. THAT'S NOT FAIR."
  37. I scared him away.
  38. Phew.
  39. See, I'm opening the door myself. It's easy.
  40. Oh look, someone is behind me.
  41. Like kinda far away.
  42. Oh no.
  43. Do I hold the door open or not?
  44. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
  45. If I don't I'm rude.
  46. I waited too long. I hesitated. Now I have to hold it open or I look like a sociopath for teasing him.
  47. Oh this poor guy. Now he has to kind of jog or else he looks rude.
  48. Oh man, he looks like a total moron half-jogging to show his appreciation.
  49. I have become my own monster.