Thoughts of a Man in Charge of Cleaning the Coins Out of a Fountain as He Is Yelled at by Tourists

  1. I'm not a bad guy.
  2. I'm not keeping these coins.
  3. "I'm not keeping these coins!"
  4. Just hurry and get this over with.
  5. God, Gene, there are a lot of pennies this year.
  6. People think I'm stealing wishes.
  7. "This is my job."
  8. It's winter. The fountain won't run. And I have to collect the coins before others do.
  9. You'd be shocked how much of a deterrent to stealing a foot of water is.
  10. Once that's gone, it's open season on wish stealing.
  11. Really, I'm a hero.
  12. This Midwestern couple is threatening to call the police on me.
  13. "All proceeds go to the park! Not to me!"
  14. That guy is right. I do work for the park, so they sort of do go to me.
  15. I don't get why they won't let me do this at night.
  16. Is Central Park still lawless at night?
  17. I thought they fixed that.
  18. Did that kid just call me a "reverse-genie"?
  19. Is that a thing?
  20. Look, a JFK half dollar. Interesting.
  21. Gene, keep your head down and scoop up the wishes of first kisses, new jobs, and whatever this year's hot new toy is.
  22. Ow, what was that?
  23. Oh, that field trip over there is loudly wishing for "a nicer Central Park" and pegging pennies at me.
  24. "THIS ISN'T EVEN THE 'FRIENDS' FOUNTAIN. THAT WAS A SOUNDSTAGE IN BURBANK. REWATCH THE OPENING CREDITS. IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THIS!"
  25. Calm down, Gene.
  26. I can't speak Korean, but whatever those people are saying cannot be nice.
  27. Man, as the penny grows increasingly irrelevant, people are just dumping them in fountains.
  28. Wishes don't come true.
  29. You make your own luck.
  30. Now I'm being booed by joggers.
  31. My fellow New Yorkers.
  32. "WHAT DID YOU THINK HAPPENED TO THESE COINS? YOU THINK THEY FADE AWAY ONCE THE FOUNTAIN WORKS ITS MAGIC AND CONVINCES MOM AND DAD YOU CAN HAVE A DOG?!"
  33. "GROW UP."
  34. Don't let them make you the villain, Gene.
  35. Lots of foreign coins in here. People come from pretty far to waste their money.
  36. Thousands upon thousands of coins, all for wishes from people miles away.
  37. Then ol' Gene comes and takes them all away, so he can scrub algae off marble.
  38. Why is that little girl crying?
  39. She said I'm taking away her wish that her grandmother is safe in heaven.
  40. Well, that's heartbreaking.
  41. Don't cry, Gene.
  42. I mean, that's not fair.
  43. I'm not keeping her grandmother from going to heaven.
  44. I don't think.
  45. Like, what, it costs a penny to get into heaven?
  46. Heaven is cheaper than, like, a bar with a five dollar cover charge?
  47. Jeez, Gene. Stop nitpicking this sweet little girl's wish.
  48. They're right.
  49. I am a reverse-genie.
  50. "No, no. I'm taking all the wishes to the wish processing center. So we can make sure your grandmother is going right to heaven."
  51. Is that how you talk to a kid? I put my hand on my knees and everything.
  52. She hugged me.
  53. Everyone went "awwwww."
  54. Now everyone is smiling at me as I clean up the pennies.
  55. Yeah, Gene, that's right. I am a wish enabler.
  56. Now everyone is throwing pennies in celebration.
  57. That's more for me to clean up, guys.