1. "Rebecca, this is your room. My apologies we do not have anything nicer."
  2. This is funny because it is an absolutely gorgeous room in Buckingham Palace.
  3. I do not get enough credit for how funny I can be.
  4. Hmmmm, now we are both just standing here.
  5. Am I supposed to entertain her?
  6. I am the Queen of England. She probably expects me to entertain her.
  7. "Would you like to join me for dinner at seven?"
  8. She says yes.
  9. I was not aware of this. She rang me up and said she was going to be in town for a work conference and made it seem like she was busy.
  10. I am absolutely supposed to entertain her.
  11. "Oh thank you, Eric, you can put her bags anywhere."
  12. Is that one's name Eric? There's so many servants, and they never correct me.
  13. She just said she would have to get to bed early after dinner because of her conference tomorrow.
  14. Maybe I don't have to entertain her.
  15. Ask some slightly probing questions.
  16. "So when does your conference get out?"
  17. She doesn't know. That's a non-answer.
  18. "I will see you shortly for dinner."
  19. I should probably plan something just in case I have to entertain her.
  20. Is Wimbledon tomorrow? I never know when Wimbledon is.
  21. There's probably some parade. Rebecca may like a parade. Normal people like parades, right? I don't like parades, but only because every time I go anywhere it becomes a parade. A parade cannot be a parade if every single drive is a parade. The specialness is what makes it a parade.
  22. A parade for me would be no one following me.
  23. Rebecca grew up here, so it's not like Big Ben is going to impress her. Or that giant wheel thing.
  24. I mean, she's friends with the Queen of England. Not much will impress her.
  25. Does Stonehenge still exist?
  26. We could take over Stonehenge for the day, but aliens and whatnot are kind of passé, no? Are people still into aliens?
  27. I should ask Eric what people do nowadays.
  28. "Hello, Eric."
  29. Eric has a cute bow.
  30. And I would know.
  31. Wow. I bet I've seen more bows than any living person.
  32. Good for you, Elizabeth. That's a new, fresh thought. It's so hard to think new things when you've been Queen everyday your entire adult life.
  33. "Eric, what do people do?"
  34. Oh, poor Eric is nervous. That is not a proper question.
  35. "For fun, Eric. In London these days."
  36. Eric is talking about a new museum. We have so many museums.
  37. Oh, yes, Banksy. I could probably call up Banksy. That would be a treat for Rebecca.
  38. I love how I am the only person who knows who Banksy is. He is a loyal subject to his queen.
  39. "Eric, is your name Eric?"
  40. No, it has been Steven this whole time. Good for EricSteven for coming clean.
  41. "Which one is Eric, Steven?"
  42. Apparently there is no Eric.
  43. "Thank you. You are dismissed."
  44. Oh, who knows? Maybe I won't have to entertain Rebecca at all. She did say she was in town mostly for work.
  45. I wonder what is for dinner.
  46. Oh here comes Rebecca, early as always.
  47. I should just ask.
  48. I am the Queen of England. I should be blunt and say "hello, Rebecca. Should I plan fun yet dignified activities for us? Like a polo match."
  49. I hate polo matches though. It is my deepest, darkest non-state secret.
  50. "Hello Rebecca, please have a seat."
  51. It will never stop amusing me that even my childhood friends have to bow to me. Must be awkward for them.
  52. "So Rebecca, will you have time this week to hang out?"
  53. I have never said the words "hang out" until now.
  54. It made all the servants laugh. I try to do one "queen tries to be hip" thing per day to amuse them.
  55. Yesterday I said the word "emoji." The entire castle had a good laugh.
  56. Rebecca says she will be swamped with meetings all week, and that she is sorry.
  57. But she has all day off Saturday to socialize.
  58. Oh, what a relief.
  59. That's just one day. We can go to the country, and it will be a lovely day.
  60. We should have some wine to celebrate Rebecca being here. I really have missed my friend.
  61. "Oh, Eric?"
  62. Every servant just responded.