Thoughts of a Radio DJ as He Tries to Spread Out Different Covers of "Santa Baby" Throughout the Day

  1. Ok, the Eartha Kitt original. Let's play that in the 10am block, the 2pm block, the 6pm block, and the 10pm block.
  2. Taylor Swift has a cover of it, doesn't she?
  3. And it's young Taylor Swift.
  4. So it's vaguely Country.
  5. Ok, I can work with that. Will play at noon, 4pm, and 8pm.
  6. That's not too much "Santa Baby," is it?
  7. Oh, damn. Madonna.
  8. Madonna totally has a "Santa Baby."
  9. We will definitely hear from people if we don't play that.
  10. Ok, take away Eartha's 2pm and Tay's 8pm and give them to Madonna.
  11. And throw her like a 7am.
  12. But now is that enough Eartha Kitt?
  13. Don't worry about that, Chet.
  14. After this, you have to schedule 20 different covers of every other Christmas song.
  15. This is fine.
  16. OH DAMN YOU, KYLIE MINOGUE.
  17. Kylie Minogue has a pretty good "Santa Baby" that people know because it's in "The Holiday."
  18. Is that a good movie?
  19. I didn't think much of it, but some people swear by it.
  20. That was when we were at peak Jude Law, right?
  21. I'm ready to welcome him back.
  22. Ok, Kyle Minogue gets one 3pm play.
  23. No one listens at 3pm anyway, but we can say we played it.
  24. That's good.
  25. Ariana Grande has a "Santa Baby."
  26. So does Debby Ryan.
  27. And Colbe Caillat.
  28. And Shakira.
  29. And LeAnn Rimes.
  30. And probably "Glee."
  31. Oh God. Ok, everyone gets one play per day besides Eartha.
  32. Eartha gets two.
  33. Ok. 7am- Madonna. 8:30am- Shakira. 10am- Eartha. Noon- Ariana Grande. 2pm-Debby Ryan. 3pm- Kylie Minogue. 4pm- Taylor Swift. 6pm- Eartha again. 8pm- Colbie Caillat. 10pm- LeAnn Rimes. Midnight- A "Glee" version, if it exists.
  34. Sorry, Taylor. We will play your "Last Christmas" to make up for it.
  35. That's so much "Santa Baby."
  36. What.
  37. Bublé has a version of "Santa Baby" too?!
  38. BUBLÉ, YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERY CHRISTMAS SONG.
  39. This is ridiculous.
  40. Chet, it's 2015. A guy can sing "Santa Baby."
  41. Bublé gets a 5am play.
  42. Because God knows we will hear his magnificent crooning a thousand more times throughout the day.
  43. Wait, he changes the words to be "Santa, pally"? That's so weird.
  44. Never mind, no "Santa Baby" for Bublé.
  45. Mariah Carey has a "Santa Baby."
  46. Mariah, you own "All I Want For Christmas is You." That's all you get.
  47. Let me listen to her "Santa Baby."
  48. It's pretty good.
  49. This song is so weird.
  50. The singer asks Santa, in order, for a convertible, a yacht, THE DEED TO A PLATINUM MINE, and then a ring.
  51. The ring is such a comedown after the platinum mine.
  52. I'd put the ring first.
  53. Ring, then convertible, then yacht, then the deed to an entire mine.
  54. Chet, stop overthinking "Santa Baby."
  55. There's too much "Santa Baby."
  56. You're going to forget someone, and feelings are going to be hurt.
  57. This is a radio station, Chet, not a fifth grade birthday party.
  58. WHATEVER.
  59. I'm playing it every 45 minutes from December 1st till Christmas.
  60. Hell, even The Pussycat Dolls will get a play.
  61. Merry Christmas, "Santa Baby."
  62. Ok, now time to schedule "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
  63. Judy Garland. Frank Sinatra. Bublé. Bing Crosby. Bright Eyes. Ariana Grande. Sarah McLachlan. She & Him. Coldplay. Kelly Clarkson. James Taylor.
  64. And the Muppets.
  65. Let's come back to that.