Thoughts of a Security Guard Escorting a Fired Person Out of a Building as He Tries Not to Empathize

  1. Stone face, Eric, stone face.
  2. Don't cry just because he's crying.
  3. Let him gather his things, get him out of the building, and then you get to stand in the lobby all day like normal.
  4. Oh man, he has a lot of personal belongings.
  5. Look detached. Don't let him know you are noticing his four young kids, one of whom clearly has a disability.
  6. You didn't fire him, Eric. You are a security guard. Mr. Fielding fired him.
  7. This poor guy is sighing with every sticky note he removes from his computer.
  8. Some of the sticky notes are work-related reminders. The rest are from when his wife and kids visited the office and left him encouraging reminders.
  9. He's carefully saving each one.
  10. You can't cry, Eric. You're a security guard.
  11. I'm not going to cry. Layoffs are sad, ok?
  12. He's really taking too long.
  13. I have to ask him to hurry up.
  14. "Um. Could you hurry up?"
  15. I am a villain. I am a thug. I am a mindless lackey to the bad guy that is upper management.
  16. He gave me the saddest look.
  17. We need to leave before the-
  18. Oh no. His coworkers see me.
  19. They know that I am the grim reaper standing watch over the dead.
  20. Here they come with their awkward goodbyes and subtle "thank god it's not me"s.
  21. This guy is hugging all of them.
  22. I guess he babysat a lot of their kids.
  23. We need to go or I'll be yelled at.
  24. "Could you, um, hurry up your goodbyes?"
  25. Ok, just got a lot of anger from his coworkers.
  26. Apparently Doug doesn't deserve this.
  27. I was trying not to know his name.
  28. Like how you aren't supposed to name the frog you dissect in high school.
  29. Now I know it's Doug.
  30. And apparently he is "family" to a lot of people here so I could show some respect.
  31. I'm just trying to do my job.
  32. Oh no. Doug emptied out his drawer and there were definitely some pens in there.
  33. Don't you dare mention the pens, Eric.
  34. I have to mention the pens. It's company property.
  35. He could have brought the pens from home.
  36. He brought black Pilot G-2s just like the ones at work? These are like $2 pens.
  37. "Um excuse me. I believe those pens are property of Helios Corp."
  38. Everyone is staring at me like a monster.
  39. Doug asked if meant "these three pens?"
  40. "Yes sir. Those three pens."
  41. He's going to throw the pens at me, I do believe.
  42. Yep. He said I could keep the pens and threw them at me.
  43. I caught two of them, but still.
  44. Doug is really struggling to carry his briefcase, box of personal belongings, and his plant.
  45. He's looking at me to help.
  46. I'm not allowed to help.
  47. I need to have my hands free in case he attacks anyone.
  48. I look like a real jerk.
  49. Standing two feet behind him as he walks down the hallway, occasionally stopping to touch a painting or bulletin board.
  50. Please be an empty elevator. Please be an empty elevator.
  51. The elevator has a lot of people in it.
  52. "Excuse us."
  53. Don't cry in the elevator, Doug.
  54. He's crying.
  55. Everyone is staring.
  56. I am a Stormtrooper.
  57. Did he just mutter "15 years here"?
  58. Oh man.
  59. Other people in the deadly silent elevator are now crying.
  60. Lots of sniffling and sharing Kleenex.
  61. While I stare ahead like a soulless Terminator.
  62. You don't know this man, Eric. He's just a guy you'll never see again.
  63. You can't possibly do this job if you let yourself care about people getting fired from jobs that are making four times as much as you.
  64. Oh thank God. First floor.
  65. Everyone in the elevator just hugged Doug.
  66. And glared at me.
  67. I didn't fire him. I'm a security guard. You all outrank me.
  68. Let's get out of this building.
  69. Hold the door open for him because he's holding that gigantic plant, Eric.
  70. He's staring at me now.
  71. Why is staring at me?
  72. "I have to walk you to your car."
  73. He sighed and continued walking.
  74. He keeps turning around to look at the building.
  75. I feel like he should only get to do that once.
  76. He found his car.
  77. I should really help him get the plant in.
  78. I can't help him with the plant now after not helping him with the plant earlier.
  79. He angrily shut the door.
  80. Now I wait for him to leave.
  81. He's just sitting in his seat.
  82. I feel like this may take a while.
  83. He's sitting in his seat, shaking.
  84. I feel bad for him.
  85. Eric, no. You cannot.
  86. I can't help it. I feel bad for the guy having a worse day than me.
  87. You can't. It is against your job description to feel bad for him.
  88. I CAN'T HELP HOW I FEEL, OK?! AND I FEEL BAD FOR THE FIRED MAN.
  89. YOUR JOB WILL BE HARDER IF YOU FEEL BAD FOR FIRED PEOPLE.
  90. I'm going to say "sorry" to Doug.
  91. DON'T YOU DARE.
  92. I'm going to open his passenger door and say "sorry man. I know it's tough. Hang in there."
  93. IF YOU DO THAT YOU MAY BE FIRED, AND THEY WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYONE LEFTOVER TO ESCORT YOU.
  94. I'm doing it.
  95. "Hey Doug?"
  96. Oh, ok. Doug took the opportunity of me opening the passenger door to frantically drive away.
  97. Well.
  98. Harden back up. They have ten more layoffs to make today.
  99. And you will absolutely cry every time.