Thoughts of a Woman Who Is Very Quickly Judging Who Showed Up After Walking Into Her Surprise Party

  1. AHHHHH. WHAT. NO, A SURPRISE?!
  2. Wow, this is amazing! They got me good.
  3. Ok, let's see. Who showed up?
  4. First off, who would Natalia invite?
  5. I bet you Maria didn't make the drive. It's four hours.
  6. Obviously Lynn and Chuck are here. Give them a quick hug.
  7. "I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!"
  8. Look, a big "Happy Birthday Ana!" sign. Very cute.
  9. Most of the girls from work are here, except for Alex.
  10. Why wouldn't Alex come?
  11. Does Natalia not know to invite Alex?
  12. Oh wait, there's Alex.
  13. Wow, Mom, Dad, and Charlie.
  14. I guess you only turn 30 once.
  15. "No, I had NO idea."
  16. Weird, Ryan Proctor is here.
  17. Wouldn't have been on my first list of invites, but you do you, Natalia.
  18. Where's Maria?
  19. I know Natalia would have invited her.
  20. FRANK! Wow, she got Frank to come.
  21. Frank gets a lot of bonus points for this.
  22. Almost makes up for him missing my grad school graduation party.
  23. Almost.
  24. "No, I just thought we were grabbing a drink!"
  25. Let's see, we got Paul, David, and John S.
  26. Really should have seen this coming.
  27. Natalia is never just like "let's go get drinks at a country club."
  28. Oh cute, a tiara.
  29. Yeah, throw it on me, Christina.
  30. I bet Christina planned this with Natalie.
  31. Christina would have definitely invited Maria.
  32. So where the hell is she? The drive is only four hours.
  33. Christina just said that Jess couldn't make it because of the baby but she sends her best.
  34. I didn't even notice Jess wasn't here.
  35. "Mom, Dad! Hi! No, I had no idea!"
  36. Sara better be here. She works at the club. She's on my shit list forever if she's not. Oh wait-
  37. "SARES! You really didn't have to come."
  38. Derek is here. That's real gutsy, Derek. He knows Natalia wouldn't have invited him if she knew we hooked up again recently, but the kid came anyway. What are you doing, Derek? You just trying to cause trouble? I'll deal with you later. My birthday belongs to me.
  39. Did they not invite Maria?
  40. Hey! Carol and Alice from Spin class! Deep cut invite. Hell of a move, Natalia.
  41. Which makes it even weirder if she didn't invite Maria.
  42. "How old am I turning? Um, 29 for a second time? Hahahahahaha. What's that? No, I really had no idea."
  43. Ugh, Ben. I get why you have to invite Ben to things like these, but still. Ugh.
  44. "AHHHHH MINI QUICHES, MY FAVORITE!"
  45. Where the hell is Maria.
  46. Oh, Liam just got here because he's been circling the block terrified he was going to ruin the surprise. Relax, Liam.
  47. "Hey Natalia! Oh my God, thank you. Thank you for this. Christina helped? Of course she did."
  48. Just ask about Maria.
  49. "Oh no, I have a drink. People are just throwing them at me! Hahaha. Hey, so where is Maria? Is she mad at me or something?"
  50. Maria was invited, but she said she couldn't make it.
  51. There better be a funeral or something. I'm the only college friend she still talks to.
  52. Wait. What did Natalia mean by "SIKE"?
  53. OH MY GOD, MARIA IS HERE. SHE MADE THE DRIVE! SHE MADE THE DRIVE!
  54. "YOU MADE THE DRIVE!"
  55. Oh God, everyone is here. All my people. They came.
  56. Stop crying, Ana. Maria is asking you a question.
  57. "Honestly, I suspected something."