Thoughts of a Woman Who Moved Into the House in the Neighborhood That Used to Have All the Lights

  1. Why are all these cars slowly driving past the house?
  2. "Honey, lock the doors."
  3. This is supposed to be a safe neighborhood.
  4. We moved here because it's close to good schools for Kira.
  5. Another black car just slowly drove past.
  6. With people staring at our house, looking furious.
  7. Is this a gang thing?
  8. I've heard about this.
  9. It's a gang thing.
  10. "Honey, call the police if another car drives past."
  11. Greg said he will, but he won't.
  12. Another car is coming.
  13. "Greg, call the police."
  14. Kira is crying.
  15. "No, Greg, YOU made Kira cry by not calling the police."
  16. "You've seen 'A Christmas Story' a thousand times, so either join me as I peer through these blinds or call the cops."
  17. He's right. I did know that he was never going to call the police.
  18. I'm going to go outside and say something.
  19. I feel like I need a baseball bat.
  20. Most people don't own a baseball bat. That's an outdated trope.
  21. I'm grabbing Kira's three foot tall "life size" doll. She hit me with it once and it hurt so bad but I couldn't let her see my pain.
  22. That car is just sitting there.
  23. Waiting.
  24. Why don't we have a baseball bat?
  25. Deep breath. I'm going out.
  26. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?"
  27. Did they say, "why are there no whites this year?"
  28. Is this a race thing?
  29. I'm white.
  30. Not that it matters.
  31. Oh, they have a little kid crying.
  32. "LEAVE US ALONE."
  33. They sped away after yelling, "I'm sorry you lost your belief."
  34. "GREG, IT WAS WEIRD RACISTS."
  35. All racists are weird, Alicia. It's an insane way to be.
  36. Another car is coming.
  37. "THAT'S RIGHT. NOTHING TO SEE HERE."
  38. Did that guy just mutter "what a shame. We always look forward to this?"
  39. Forward to what? HARASSING people?
  40. Wave the doll. Let people know to keep going.
  41. What's this? A church bus?
  42. People are filing out, and they look so confused.
  43. "GREG. THERE'S TOO MANY. COME HELP."
  44. This is what you get for marrying someone whose favorite Christmas movie is 'A Christmas Story.'
  45. The pacing of that movie is all off.
  46. A lot of dead air and old jokes.
  47. Also, it may be more racist than our apparent neighbors.
  48. That woman is asking the priest if she should still sing?
  49. Is this like a Westboro Baptist thing?
  50. "EVERYONE BETTER LEAVE. THERE'S NOTHING HERE FOR YOU. SHOW'S OVER."
  51. The priest just asked what happened to me.
  52. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THAT. NOW, LEAVE."
  53. He just asked what happened to all the whites.
  54. I swear to God-
  55. Lights. He said "lights."
  56. Hear him out.
  57. Oh.
  58. "We just moved in."
  59. Put down the doll, Alicia.
  60. "We, uh, have a string on the front porch and light up candles in the windows?"
  61. Oh man. You made that kid cry earlier.
  62. "GREG, come out! Apparently this house used to be a neighborhood attraction because it went over the top with the lights."
  63. Oh, NOW Greg comes out.
  64. "I'm sorry we don't have more lights for you all. We, uh, didn't know."
  65. They said they are still going to sing.
  66. "I'll make hot chocolate?"
  67. The priest said he would like that.
  68. They sound beautiful.
  69. Oh no. Next year I'm going to have to spend $10,000 on lights.