Thoughts of an Unsuccessful Ticket Scalper Who Guesses He May as Well Go See Blink 182 By Himself

  1. "Tickets, I got tickets."
  2. No one wants these tickets. The show is going to start any minute now.
  3. You're the worst scalper ever, Wes.
  4. I guess I just give these away...
  5. Yep. That's my penance. That's my punishment for not scalping well.
  6. I could... I could go.
  7. Wes, no.
  8. We've gone over this.
  9. You don't use your own product.
  10. But, I mean I have a ticket, and I'm not doing anything tonight.
  11. No, no. I always do this.
  12. I subconsciously try to not sell the tickets so I can go to the shows.
  13. This is how I make a living hypothetically.
  14. What's the point of having hacked Ticketmaster if I keep just going to the shows because I convince myself I want to see Paul McCartney at Yankees Stadium.
  15. I mean, that was Paul McCartney. He's a living legend. You owe it to yourself to see a Beatle.
  16. Sell these tickets, Wes.
  17. "I GOT TWO TICKETS. UPPER MEZZANINE. $40 EACH!"
  18. Those people want them for $30.
  19. Wes, do it.
  20. No, I can get a better price.
  21. YOU JUST WANT TO GO TO THE CONCERT.
  22. "Na, sorry. $40 or nothing."
  23. Wes, you don't even like Blink 182.
  24. You just get caught up in the excitement of a bunch of people in band t-shirts all headed the same direction.
  25. No. I like Blink 182.
  26. Name three Blink 182 songs.
  27. Um...
  28. What's My Age Again is a genuinely great song.
  29. And... OH! ALL THE SMALL THINGS.
  30. One more.
  31. Um... Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous?
  32. That's a Good Charlotte song. I think.
  33. Maybe?
  34. The point is I don't know. I need to sell these tickets. I bought these specifically to sell.
  35. "GET YOUR TICKETS HERE."
  36. Someone is interested!
  37. "Yeah, tickets. Tickets."
  38. "No no no. I'm selling tickets. I'm not looking for tickets."
  39. Classic scalper to scalper confusion.
  40. Unless I buy more tickets...
  41. STOP BUYING MORE TICKETS, WES. YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT SO YOU CAN GO TO THE CONCERT.
  42. No! I could sell them and make more money!
  43. YOU BOUGHT AN ENTIRE ROW OF TICKETS FOR AN ARIANA GRANDE CONCERT LAST MONTH. YOU SAT ALONE IN A SECTION.
  44. ...She put on a good show.
  45. Sell these Blink tickets so you can get out of the scalper game once and for all.
  46. It's not built for someone with no self control.
  47. I am weak. I'm not aggressive enough. I like being part of a big group with a common interest.
  48. "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE BUY THESE TICKETS?!"
  49. Begging is not a good look on a scalper.
  50. I mean, it's just a bad night. I couldn't sell my product, so I should cut my losses and go see some late 90's/early 2000's pop punk rock.
  51. Bad night? It's been a bad year.
  52. So many nights I don't sell a ticket, and I always go to the show.
  53. I've been to so many circuses.
  54. The Brooklyn Nets recognize me.
  55. I went to a TED talk once. I knew I wasn't going to be able to scalp those tickets, but I bought them anyway.
  56. I'm operating at such a loss.
  57. This is a problem I have.
  58. It would be so weird if I went to see a Blink 182 concert by myself.
  59. Yeah, but it would be such a waste of a ticket...
  60. THEN PUSH IT. PUSH THE TICKET. SELL.
  61. "BLINK TICKETS. $20! PLEASE. I NEED TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THIS CONCERT."
  62. A couple just asked for $10.
  63. Do it. Buy yourself some dinner, Wes.
  64. Blink 182 is playing. This is your last chance.
  65. "$20."
  66. They are thinking about it! See, I know what I'm doing!
  67. They want $15.
  68. "$20."
  69. Wes...
  70. THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT IT.
  71. I'M A GOOD SCALPER!
  72. They agreed! They will buy them for $20.
  73. "$25."
  74. Wes, you stupid moron.
  75. They will do it!
  76. ...
  77. "$100."
  78. Ok, I admit that I really want to go to this Blink 182 concert.