Thoughts of Papa John Back When He Was Legally Unable to Say the Words "Super Bowl" in a Commercial

  1. "Ok, Kevin, roll whenever. This should be easy, just a quick promo for our Super Bowl sales."
  2. John, you got this. Just don't say "Super Bowl." The guys in Legal say that's very important.
  3. The NFL will be all over us if we do. They own the copyright and you have to pay them to say it.
  4. Just coyly allude to it.
  5. Let's go.
  6. "Hey ya'll, ready for the BIG GAME this weekend? Papa John's has you covered with an exclusive Super Bowl sale."
  7. Damn it. I said "Super Bowl," didn't I?
  8. "Let's go again."
  9. Relax, John. You have filmed literally thousands of these.
  10. "Hey ya'll, ready for the BIG GAME this weekend? Papa John's has you covered with an exclusive HALFTIME sale. Order two medium pies and get a third free, so you can have the ultimate Super Bowl party."
  11. I said it again, didn't I?
  12. "Hey ya'll, ready for the BIG GAME this weekend? Papa John's has you covered with an exclusive HALFTIME sale. Order two medium pies and get a third free, so you can have the ultimate GRIDIRON CLASSIC. We are also offering 20 wings for $9.99. Now that is a super... bowl."
  13. Oh, I definitely said it that time.
  14. JOHN, STOP THINKING ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL.
  15. I wish Peyton was here. The NFL would probably let him say "Super Bowl."
  16. I love Peyton Manning almost as much as I love pizza.
  17. Ok, banish the term "Super Bowl" from your mind. It's the Big Game, The Championship, The One That Matters, The Football Game of Note in February.
  18. "Hey ya'll, so the Super Bowl is this week-GODDAMNIT I SUCK."
  19. John, get this through your head: DO. NOT. SAY. SUPER. BOWL.
  20. You piece of garbage. You don't deserve the esteemed moniker of "Papa."
  21. The NFL will only let you say it if we become the official pizza of the NFL and that is so expensive.
  22. Just don't say "Super Bowl" and then you can eat all the pizza you want.
  23. "Ok, let's run it one last time. I got this."
  24. "Hey ya'll, ready for the BIG GAME this weekend? Papa John's has you covered with an exclusive HALFTIME sale. Order two medium pies and get a third free, so you can have the ultimate GRIDIRON CLASSIC. We are also offering 20 wings for $8.99. Now that's the way to celebrate the FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP. See you this Sunday!"
  25. I DID IT. HELL YEAH. I DID IT.
  26. "What's that?"
  27. "Oh, I said the wings are $8.99 and not $9.99? No worries. Let's go again."
  28. JOHN, YOU RUIN EVERYTHING.
  29. You call yourself "Papa," but you dissapoint your worker-children.
  30. Look at them all, seeing you mess up.
  31. They see you as just John.
  32. You are Papa John. Reclaim what is yours.
  33. "Let's go."
  34. "Ready for the BIG GAME this weekend? Papa John's has you covered with an exclusive HALFTIME sale. Order two medium pies and get a third free, so you can have the ultimate GRIDIRON CLASSIC. We are also offering 20 wings for $8.99. Now that's the way to celebrate the FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP. See you this Sunday at the MOTHERFUCKING SUPER BOWL."
  35. Ok, that time I both cursed and said "Super Bowl." That was unacceptable.
  36. I don't deserve my pizza empire. I should never eat pizza again, even though it has been so, so good to me.
  37. Get it through your big dumb head. It's the Big Game, The Mega Championship of Football, The Pigskin Jamboree, The Thing You'll Watch After Mass This Sunday If You Are a Good Christian, literally anything but "Super Bowl."
  38. "Let's go again. I swear to God on high that I will not say it. Let's go."
  39. ""Hey ya'll, SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL. SUPER BOWL."
  40. That was...
  41. Insane.
  42. John, that was crazy. Why must you say "Super Bowl?"
  43. It's because I'm told I cannot. I always want what I cannot have.
  44. When I was a child, my mom said "no pizza."
  45. Well, look at me now, Ma.
  46. You know what, I'm saying it.
  47. I'm going to pay to say it.
  48. "HEY KEVIN, how much does it cost to become the official pizza of the NFL?"
  49. $13 million for a three year deal.
  50. That's a lot of money.
  51. That's a lot of pizza.
  52. I shouldn't do it.
  53. But look around you. Everyone has lost respect for you. This is the only way to get it back.
  54. "Tell them we are in."
  55. Now, I'm going to say "Super Bowl" every day.
  56. I am John.
  57. I am Papa.
  58. I am Papa John, official pizza provider of the Super Bowl.