Thoughts of the Guy Who Sells the Photos From a Roller Coaster, As People Take Photos of that Photo

  1. Oh man, these are some good photos!
  2. Look at those teenage girls screaming their heads off.
  3. They are going to want that photo.
  4. ...
  5. I will not let them take a photo of it.
  6. Not this time.
  7. Not again.
  8. Here they all come.
  9. It's always interesting to see these people in real life when I've only seen photos of them screaming on a roller coaster.
  10. It's a weird first impression.
  11. I think it kinda says a lot about a person though. You can tell a lot about a person based off how they behave in a roller coaster photo.
  12. Just a theory of mine.
  13. Yes, the teenagers want to see their photo.
  14. "Let me put it on the big screen for you."
  15. Oh they are dying laughing.
  16. Look at Madison, trying to act like she's not scared.
  17. And what is with Ana's hair?
  18. Now buy the photo, girls. I know mom gave you money.
  19. They are pulling out their phones.
  20. Caleb, no. Do not let them-
  21. They took a photo.
  22. They took a photo of the photo.
  23. And now they are on their way.
  24. Shake it off, Caleb. It's early. Park just opened. You'll make a sale today.
  25. You have to.
  26. Or Jon will send you to clean all the change that falls from people's pockets under the coaster.
  27. Your back can't handle picking up that many coins.
  28. And it's scary under the coaster. So much rattling.
  29. The next coaster photos are coming into the system.
  30. PERFECT. A father, mother, daughter, and a son all doing a choreographed YMCA. Very cute. Guarantee they buy this photo.
  31. It's perfect for a mantle.
  32. "Thank you for riding the VELOCITY RAPTOR. Roar. Care for a photo?"
  33. They want to see it.
  34. Ok, Caleb, soft sell.
  35. "Here you go. This is one of the better ones I've seen."
  36. The kids want the parents to buy it.
  37. The mom is pulling out an iPad.
  38. Stop her, Caleb. Do not let her take that photo.
  39. I can't. It's weird to tell a person not to take a photo of a photo of themselves.
  40. I feel bad.
  41. She took the photo.
  42. And told the kids now she can afford to buy them Dippin' Dots.
  43. Damn it, Caleb. Stand up for yourself.
  44. You're basically letting people steal.
  45. "Hey, guys from the photo were you all mean mug the coaster. Very cool. Very tough. Want to buy it?"
  46. They took a photo on their phone.
  47. Like I'm not standing here, trying to get them to buy it.
  48. Everyone has cameras now.
  49. It's terrible.
  50. The worst part is how excited everyone is to see their photo.
  51. And then how immediately they realize they can just take a picture of the picture.
  52. We make the screens rounded so there's a glare, but that stops no one.
  53. "Oh hello, guys and girls from a cheerleading camp, thank you for riding the Velocity Raptor. Roar. Would you like to see your photo?"
  54. They love their photo.
  55. But I know what's coming.
  56. No amount of Jane crying or Ben making a scrunchy weird face will get them to buy this photo.
  57. Yep, there it is. Quick little snapchat of the monitor.
  58. It's like no one in this country has $8.99 to spend on a photo of themselves screaming anymore.
  59. It's in a cool "Velocity Raptor" decorative border.
  60. YOUR PHONES CAN'T ADD A DECORATIVE BORDER.
  61. They probably can, Caleb.
  62. Technology is really hurting the Roller Coaster commemorative photo game.
  63. Ok, here comes an old couple. They should know better.
  64. Don't let them do it.
  65. "Would you like to see your photo? Roar. Wow, you guys both look so pumped. That's a good photo. We also make keychains for $19.99."
  66. The woman pulled out a fucking disposable Kodak.
  67. Where is she even going to get that developed?
  68. It looks like she got it off a table at a wedding in the 90's.
  69. Stop her. Stop her from taking that photo.
  70. She took it.
  71. She whirled the wheel back and focused, and I did nothing.
  72. I am a coward. I am afraid of confrontation. I belong under a roller coaster picking up pennies.
  73. The only part of my job I'm good at is deleting photos where people give the finger or flash their boobs and butts.
  74. I've seen so many screaming naked people.
  75. Oh God, punk kids on a field trip carrying oversized stuffed Tweety Birds.
  76. They cannot wait to see their photo.
  77. Look at them laughing, loving how dumb they all look. I know it's coming, and...
  78. Yep, here comes the cell phones.
  79. Like they can't even see the broken man in his forties in front of them...
  80. "YOU KNOW WHAT, NO."
  81. I have scared them.
  82. "NO PHOTOS OF THE PHOTO. I AM A HUMAN BEING STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU WHOSE SOLE JOB IS TO SELL THESE PHOTOS. YOU PUNKS SPEND $50 ON A RING TOSS TO GET THAT STUPID STUFFED BIRD, BUT YOU CAN'T PAY $8.99 FOR A PHOTO, WHICH IS ADMITTEDLY EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, BUT IT'S A THEME PARK, AND THAT'S THE RACKET, YOU KNOW?"
  83. Caleb, you cannot scream at customers-
  84. "HEY SIR, OVER THERE. I SEE YOU TRYING TO SNEAK A PHOTO OF YOU AND YOUR SON. GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. GIVE ME YOUR PHONE."
  85. Caleb do not steal the customers' phones-
  86. "GOT IT. NOW I'M GOING TO DELETE IT. HOW DO I DELETE ON ANDROID? IT'S NOT INTUITIVE... STOP RIGHT THERE, WOMEN AT A BACHELORETTE PARTY. HOW DARE YOU? ...SIR, YOU WILL GET YOUR PHONE BACK WHEN YOU BUY A PHOTO."
  87. Caleb, this is roller coaster extortion.
  88. I don't care.
  89. "NOW LINE UP, ALL OF YOU. IT'S PHOTO BUYING TIME."
  90. I'm doing it. I'm selling photos in the digital age.
  91. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO ALSO BUY YOUR PHOTO ON A T-SHIRT FOR $40? IT'S ONLY AN HOUR WAIT. SURE! COMING RIGHT UP."
  92. You can stop screaming now, Caleb. You've been brave enough for one day.