A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR DRIVING ON THE ROAD WITH DIAMOND

  1. 1.
    Signals are of the fucking essence. Eat blinkers. Sleep blinkers. Live fucking blinkers.
  2. 2.
    Hopping behind me with your high beams literally blinding me through the reflection of my window is the BEST way for me to get petty and drive 3 miles per hour (and yes I literally turn on my MPH digital display to make sure I'm not going a LICK over 3) and/or pull over to kindly let you pass as I beam mine into yours with a side of tailgating 😊😊
  3. 3.
    You have 10 seconds to be distracted in your car when a red light turns green before I give a not-so-friendly honk to remind you that you're holding the rest of us up. THERE ARE TOO MANY STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING CAMPAIGNS FOR YOU TO NOT FUCKING GET IT BY NOW.
  4. 4.
    When you cut me off, you have officially activated "disrespected Pennsatucky" mode for me. I will literally make the rest of the time we have on the road together a living hell for you.. So please ppl. Let's all be examples of what courteous drivers should look like, or I will demonstrate what they don't.
  5. 5.
    Tailgating is your insurance company's free 1-way ticket from your wallet to mine. So when I do slam on breaks as your vehicle even so much as TAPS mine, understand at THAT very moment, you have fucked up.
  6. 6.
    Disclaimer: this list does not apply to the elderly, drivers with kids, or visibly disabled drivers. HOWEVER, these statuses do not excuse you from a stiff middle finger and/or a vicious cursing-out held inside the four doors of my Chevy Cruze. 😊😊😊😊😊
    note: visibly is used here to emphasize that not all drivers have visible ailments, so in the case I notice this I will be sure to accommodate.