1. Wash off plane goo in my own shower
  2. See how excited my dog gets when he realizes I'm back
  3. Sleep in my own bed
  4. Wear other clothes besides the 7 outfits and 2 pairs of sweatpants I brought on the trip
    That I now feel like I never want to see again
  5. Grocery shop
    And buy too much at Trader Joes because I "need" it
  6. Talk to my family on the phone because we are in the same time zone again
  7. Read all the group text messages I couldn't because had to turn off cellular data and for some inexplicable reason I have friends who don't have iPhones
    Get fomo or whatever the latent version of that is (Know You Missed Out? KYMO?)
  8. Walk places or use public transportation instead of taking a taxi everywhere
  9. Binge watch TV I missed on Hulu/Netflix/HBO
  10. Eat tacos and sushi every day for a week
    Guarantees all the food I bought on my traders joe's spree will go bad and make me feel guilty
  11. Continue to ignore my personal email and now have no legitimate excuse to