THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT SAY TO PEOPLE

All of these are actual things people have said to me that left me sort of baffled. I mean this to be funny not sad, so please read this as funny not complain-y or hurt, etc.
  1. On my 40th birthday when I announced that I'd bought bagels for the office and they were in the kitchen: "Wow! You're only 40? No way!"
  2. In high school: "You remind me of Jimmy J Bullock from Too Close For Comfort. Not really the way you look, but how you act."
  3. On saying hello to someone in my office: "Oh my gosh are you sick? You sound terrible." Um...not sick. Just my regular voice.
  4. On saying hello to someone in my office after having taken a sick day when I was not really sick: "Oh no--should you go home? You look terrible. Maybe you need another day to recover! You look really pale and worn out." This went on for an excruciatingly long time.
  5. At the finish line of a half-marathon that I was really proud of myself for finishing in the time I did: "Well you have to train. If you don't train, that's the time you get." (I'd done nothing but train for months.)
  6. In my 20s, while sitting around a hotel pool, on telling someone I wished I were more successful at dating: "Do you think it's because you're so overly skinny?"
  7. Also in my skinny 20s, this time on a beach and having just expressed admiration for a really cool but admittedly small bathing suit on a very handsome and muscular man: "Ha--well it would look a little different on you!"