THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT SAY TO PEOPLE
All of these are actual things people have said to me that left me sort of baffled. I mean this to be funny not sad, so please read this as funny not complain-y or hurt, etc.
- •On my 40th birthday when I announced that I'd bought bagels for the office and they were in the kitchen: "Wow! You're only 40? No way!"
- •In high school: "You remind me of Jimmy J Bullock from Too Close For Comfort. Not really the way you look, but how you act."
- •On saying hello to someone in my office: "Oh my gosh are you sick? You sound terrible." Um...not sick. Just my regular voice.
- •On saying hello to someone in my office after having taken a sick day when I was not really sick: "Oh no--should you go home? You look terrible. Maybe you need another day to recover! You look really pale and worn out." This went on for an excruciatingly long time.
- •At the finish line of a half-marathon that I was really proud of myself for finishing in the time I did: "Well you have to train. If you don't train, that's the time you get." (I'd done nothing but train for months.)
- •In my 20s, while sitting around a hotel pool, on telling someone I wished I were more successful at dating: "Do you think it's because you're so overly skinny?"
- •Also in my skinny 20s, this time on a beach and having just expressed admiration for a really cool but admittedly small bathing suit on a very handsome and muscular man: "Ha--well it would look a little different on you!"