Tinder Profiles of Men I Dated, Rewritten for Accuracy
- •A germaphobe, I waste women the way I waste water, perpetually washing my hands of both.
- •It'll take you two years to discover my real name. And that I'm married. And I have a daughter. But we're still cool, right?
- •I need you to tell me over & over again how huge my cock is. Lie to me, baby. Lie. To. Me.
- •Everything I know about women I learned by watching hardcore porn.
- •Lazy as fuck. In life, in bed.