WONDROUS THOUGHTS I OFTEN HAVE

Please provide answers if possible
  1. Why do we press harder on the buttons on the remote control when the battery is flat?
  2. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  3. Why would you believe me when I tell you there are 100 billion stars in the universe, but you have to check when I say the paint is wet?
  4. What's the speed of darkness?
  5. If the temperature is 0 today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what will the temperature be?
  6. Why do people pay to go on top of tall buildings, and then put money into binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  7. Why did it seem like a good idea to eat something that came out of a chickens bum?
  8. Why is Goofy erect, and Pluto on all four?
    They're both dogs?!
  9. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
    Have fun with that one.