Things My Family Said That Made Me Remember I Had to Go to the Bathroom During a Recent Reunion

I went to a family reunion near Baltimore recently. It was stressful but I found that embracing my flight response helped me keep my cool! I saw a lot of the bathroom.
  1. "Oh wow." [hit "like" on pic of fetus @ 12 weeks]
    Don't let your aunt show you anything on her facebook, even if she starts out with cute dog pics.
  2. "After the riots I tried to join the B-more police department."
    No dude, please just open the barber shop you keep talking about.
  3. "Obama"
    Get out of there.
  4. "I don't remember if it was Hodgkins or non-Hodgkins, but --"
    This lady ONLY talks to me about sick, dying, or dead people she loves and how she can't wait to see them in heaven and it really bums me out.
  5. "These people -"
    Oh.
  6. [hysterically laugjing] "David looks like a Muslim there!"
    David has a beard.