Internet Dating For Adults Trying to Cover The Gray

Dating is still the most terrifying thing you will ever do, and it definitely doesn't get better with age....
  1. Don't pretend you are not shallow and judgey...
    You are, and so is everyone else swiping at warp speed through a pile of Internet dating mugshots.
  2. If their profile pictures are all not smiling and they are wearing a hat/hoodie/sunglasses in every pic, they are either hideous or they are in witness protection, either way, swipe left.
  3. Always talk on the phone before meeting, some people have a voice that could curdle cheese, or a laugh that feels like a nail being inserted in your ear.
  4. Most men want a supermodel, but see nothing wrong with their Dunlap (their beer belly "dun lapped over their belt)
  5. If they are wearing bell bottoms in their picture and it's not a Halloween costume their pics are probably not current.
  6. If having a French or English accent is one of their most often mentioned traits...run...
  7. People lie, about their age, their height (?) their occupation...this is becoming a list of it's own...