A GUIDE TO MY HOME TOWN

Shrewsbury, MA
  1. The ability to tip a twelve year old upside down and shake out a weekends worth of partying.
    They really shouldn't be giving kids ADHD meds, it's like finding a midget with cocaine in Los Angeles. Far too common
  2. A liquor store that stayed open way past its bed time.
    But not ours. Hickeys would get you drunk no matter what the occasion. Happy Bastille day everyone!
  3. High school football politics
    It was sort of like Friday Night Lights with a terrible football team and less sexy sex between sexy people and more awkwardly entering one another in a pathetic attempt to accelerate adulthood. Woah. Too real.
  4. Parents with a cape house.
    Mitch has the house to himself because his parents went "down the cape." He threw a party and Michelle lost her wristlet, whatever that is. Rumor has it that kid Jimmy tried to finger a girl after she passed out (which would make you wonder who's benefiting from that scenario) but Corey stopped him. Corey is so great, he only has six beers before he drives home. He's dreamy.