THINGS JARED DOES

Been living with Jared for 2 years now.
  1. Long bathroom trips
    No one spends more time pooping than this guy. He says he's on his phone most of the time but I think he just has ridiculous poops.
  2. Stays out all night
    Like wat u doin
  3. Doesn't multitask well
    Lights out if he's not looking you dead in the eye.
  4. Very optimistic about the Eagles
    Were gonna win the bowl last year against the Colts. Next year's prediction tbd.
  5. Makes burgers...a lot of burgers
    Jared's beef consumption is the reason why farmers still have jobs
  6. Homework at 2am
    After he makes his burger, it's off to hours of twilight homework
  7. Makes Maxx and I look lazy
    While he's out all day saving the president of the United States your two favorite Park boys might as well have our dicks in our hands