Anxiety + Depression Makes for a Difficult Holiday Season
Anyone who knows me knows that I've always loved the holiday season. Even through years of retail jobs and getting older, I keep the Christmas spirit bright. I make watch all my favorite holiday films, I LOVE seeing Christmas lights and Christmas music. My diagnosed depression, generalized and social anxiety disorders make it hard to stay jolly 😟
- •It's a struggle for me to stay positive, but I manage to pull it off. Hopefully this year stays that way
- •Crushing loneliness is hard the whole year round, but it takes it to a totally new level this time of year
- •I think about the good times I had with my wife and daughter when we were still together. I think about the first few years in our house, decorating, making traditions
- •But then, I feel blessed and happy to have my daughter in my life. And I get to spend half my time with her. And we have our own traditions and happy moments.
- •It's hard, though. This season is so much better when you have a significant other to share it with. There's no better feeling.
- •And of course, my anxiety goes through the roof this time of year. Big gatherings. Will they like their presents. Can I afford presents for my loved ones? Will my daughter appreciate everything?
- •I take medicine to keep my anxiety and depression from taking over. It works, mostly. But it can't work miracles. I still freak out when have to go to a Christmas event with tons of people
- •I still cry when I see happy families in movies like "It's a Wonderful Life".
- •And I'm never emotionally essay for Love Actually. I watch it every year, and my heart hurts. I don't want to be sitting alone watching to and wishing things were different
- •But how do I not feel this way? How do I make myself really believe that my life will be okay?
- •Why do I still love this time of year so much? I still am merry. And I still get that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach when i see all the Christmas lights and see happy people shopping.