Anxiety + Depression Makes for a Difficult Holiday Season

Anyone who knows me knows that I've always loved the holiday season. Even through years of retail jobs and getting older, I keep the Christmas spirit bright. I make watch all my favorite holiday films, I LOVE seeing Christmas lights and Christmas music. My diagnosed depression, generalized and social anxiety disorders make it hard to stay jolly 😟
  1. It's a struggle for me to stay positive, but I manage to pull it off. Hopefully this year stays that way
  2. Crushing loneliness is hard the whole year round, but it takes it to a totally new level this time of year
  3. I think about the good times I had with my wife and daughter when we were still together. I think about the first few years in our house, decorating, making traditions
  4. But then, I feel blessed and happy to have my daughter in my life. And I get to spend half my time with her. And we have our own traditions and happy moments.
  5. It's hard, though. This season is so much better when you have a significant other to share it with. There's no better feeling.
  6. And of course, my anxiety goes through the roof this time of year. Big gatherings. Will they like their presents. Can I afford presents for my loved ones? Will my daughter appreciate everything?
  7. I take medicine to keep my anxiety and depression from taking over. It works, mostly. But it can't work miracles. I still freak out when have to go to a Christmas event with tons of people
  8. I still cry when I see happy families in movies like "It's a Wonderful Life".
  9. And I'm never emotionally essay for Love Actually. I watch it every year, and my heart hurts. I don't want to be sitting alone watching to and wishing things were different
  10. But how do I not feel this way? How do I make myself really believe that my life will be okay?
  11. Why do I still love this time of year so much? I still am merry. And I still get that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach when i see all the Christmas lights and see happy people shopping.
  12. I don't know what this list is about. I guess sometimes I just have to write. And this community makes me feel safe enough to share this. Thanks listapp. Thanks @bjnovak, @dev, and @Nicholas for making this such an amazing place