I feared This would happen …

I hope I can turn this ship around 😕
  1. As you may know, I'm February, 2014, I started planning a trip to Walt Disney World for my daughter and I that snowballed into a magical dream vacation
    I set a date of April 29 for the trip. A solid 14 months away
  2. The 14 months of saving, planning, wishing, upgrading, overspending were long, but fun
    I knew I was overspending, so it's my own fault. And I have no regrets 😀
  3. If I was getting down about my divorce, or about my old job and how much I hated it, or about my extreme loneliness, I would start thinking about and planning more of my trip
    And this happened often. I'm a sad, lonely human being who should be slapped for not appreciating what he has 😟
  4. Disney is my passion and this made me excited. It became the only way to forget about my troubles.
    You can see where this is going, right? Not a good idea to turn something that has an end date as your main source of happiness other than your daughter
  5. I made my payments. I planned which days to go to which parks. I made my dining reservations 180 days in advance. I made my fastpasses 60 days in advance. I booked my plane tickets, shows, dessert parties, tours, everything months out.
    Disney is much better if you plan ahead. You'll see when you read my eventual trip recap post
  6. As the "months til Disney" countdown turned into the weeks and days, I was beyond excited.
    Pure giddiness and excitement for the weeks leading up. I know, sounds crazy. But it's who I am!
  7. The trip went perfectly. I planned the most amazing trip and it all went off without a hitch
    I was shocked at how everything fell into place. Perfection.
  8. The problem with trips to Walt Disney World is the inevitable sadness when it's over. You want to book your next trip so you have so mething to look forward to
    Seriously. It's like a punch in the stomach when you leave
  9. So, as you can imagine, these last few weeks have been difficult
    Nearly daily breakdowns and always on the verge of tears
  10. I need to be responsible. I need to finish paying off my credit cards, then save my extra money to move out and live on my own with my daughter
    Time to start my life again, right?
  11. But I want another trip to plan, to look forward to. Like, I need one.
    It's a scary thought. And it sounds ridiculous to the reader, I'm sure. It's a fucking vacation. Get over it, right?
  12. I'm toying with the idea of buying into Disney Vacation Club, their timeshare program
    It would make me go at least every 12-18 months.
  13. But if i finally get out of debt, and start saving actual money, it would be insane to spend 10-12 thousand on my cards just to do that. Right?
    Yes. Anthony. Stop.
  14. So, I literally knew this would happen and now I'm trying to deal with jt
    And failing
  15. I hate my body/weight. I hate my loneliness. I hate my lack of expendable income. I hate how many things in my life are failures. I hate my loneliness. Again.
    Hate hate hate hate hate myself
  16. But then, I brought this upon myself. I never should have used the trip as a crutch.
    Better than feeling like this, though
  17. Don't worry, all this negativity won't lead me to do anything stupid or crazy.
    It'll just lead to me sitting alone doing crossword puzzles and wishing I was happy
  18. Thanks for listening, friends