I'm Beyond Overwhelmed with Life

If there was a word stronger than overwhelmed, it would be up in the title, but a google search gave no other options.
  1. I'm at a breaking point and I honestly don't know how to handle things anymore. I'm actually unable to control my feelings and anxiety in any way.
  2. At this point I'm overwhelmed with three important things in my life. My health, my finances, and work. In that order, actually.
  3. I bought a new scale because my old one had a weight limit and wouldn't show my weight anymore. I stepped on the scale and was horrified by what I saw. I saw a number I never thought i would weigh. It disgusted me, scared me, and made me physically sick. I need to lose extreme amounts of weight.
  4. I need to go to the doctor, get blood work done, stop eating horribly bad for me foods. And I try and try. And I fail. My willpower is gone. I don't know what to do. I've hit rock bottom and that hasn't even helped me get up and start working my way back up.
  5. I don't want to die. If I keep eating and living this way, I will die. That should scare the daylights out of me. It doesn't. It enough. But every day I start fresh and try again. I won't give up on this. I'm making little changes at first. I need to build up to a new lifestyle.
  6. My finances aren't horrible. I've done a lot of work to pay down my credit cards, get myself to some lower interest rates for what I do still have on my cards, and put some money aside each paycheck.
  7. I want to move. I want to get a house for me and Emily and start living my life. I'm going to need to save at least 20,000 for a down payment, at a minimum. I'm saving, but I don't think I'll get to that goal by my self imposed deadline of next November.
  8. And that's fine, as long as I keep saving and don't dig into that fund for anything that's not life or death.
  9. But it's so far away. That overwhelms me. I can't wait every two weeks to see a small amount added to my savings, and then slowly watch it build. I just want to get going.
  10. Work isn't bad. I just feel like I'm not getting any recognition or anything positive from some of my higher ups, and that makes me so sad. All it takes is a simple "good job" to pick up my spirits.
  11. I don't know. It's hard to explain in a way that doesn't make me sound like I'm just whining. It may not seem like a lot to people, but having all of these things weigh on me is starting to crush me. It hurts more than I can explain.