FB HEADLINES THAT I WILL NEVER LOVE

Even though they tell me to. eh.
  1. "Lief! Single dad geeft andere vaders les in het vlechten van hun dochters' haar."
    Lovely story but this Englitch can stop now.
  2. Good news: X
    Continue being stalkers of said famous person because they're also waiting to die one day. So no free apple pie or world peace?
  3. The struggle is real: X
    'the struggles'? No way. How are you still alive?
  4. Fact: Lie
  5. The best nightmare we ever had