BEST PARTS OF THE CRAFT
The Craft is a movie I saw in high school when I was way more scared of girls than witches.
- •Robin TunneyRobin Tunney is the main character of The Craft. Robin Tunney is also in Encino Man. Encino Man is a movie I own on DVD, vhs, cd soundtrack, and movie novelization. Robin Tunney is so good in Encino Man that I watched The Craft on pay-per-view when it came just out because I wanted to see her again. I watched a lot of Prison Break eps for Robin Tunney. Robin Tunney is like if they mixed Zoey Deschanel and certain hard-to-pinpoint aspects of younger Madonna together.
- •That time I watched it on pay-per-viewI realized that every movie released from '93-'98 I saw on pay-per-view. If I took the money I spent on PPV and invested it, I would basically be The Jinx's older brother that he calls a pussy. I'd be rich like Douglas Durst. That's how much PPV I watched. I watched The Craft and then the same day prob rented Barb Wire, too just for the hell of it.
- •The SpellThe Spell is the love spell that Robin Tunney puts on Skeet Ulrich to make him fall in love with her. The Spell is something @videodrew and I talk about a lot. She wants to be able to cast the spell and I am terrified of having the spell cast on me. I'm nice to everyone I meet bc I don't want anyone to cast The Spell on me. (I also don't want the bald spell either bc I feel like I've got five more decent years of hair but who knows.)
- •"Shark"Christine Taylor is a racist asshole in The Craft. All her hair falls out bc she is a terrible person. She didn't learn my lesson of being a good person so you don't get spells cast on you. In fairness, she prob didn't get to watch The Craft on PPV to learn this lesson though. But The Craft is a movie filled with witchcraft and spells and flying and illusion. But the most unrealistic scene is when Rochelle is mid-dive and Christine Taylor yells "shark" and Rochelle blows her landing. Yeah right
- •Homeless Snake GuyWhen Robin Tunney first moves into her new house, a homeless guy with a snake wanders into her door and yells at her to relax. If a homeless guy with a snake yells at you to relax, I think you should just do it. It is a good excuse to take some personal time for yourself. You don't have to tell me twice, homeless guy with a snake.
- •Leaky Roofed HouseRobin Tunney's new house has a leaky roof. Who moves into a house without checking the roof. Cliff De Young, that's who. Cliff De Young tried to play Brad in The Rocky Horror sequel Shock Treatment bc he didn't think anyone would notice or care. Everyone noticed and cared. The best part of Shock Treatment is Rik Mayall's brief appearance. Then Cliff De Young tried to move his fam into a house with a leaky roof thinking they wouldn't notice. Robin Tunney noticed and it made her a witch.
- •Jukebox full of Connie FrancisWhen Nancy's mom gets money she buys some dope new pants, an apt with a view and a jukebox full of only Connie Francis. I would go for a jukebox full of George Michael (if Wham counted) but the Connie Francis movie Where the Boys Are is one of the best spring break movies ever. It introduced me to Paula Prentiss who is a dreamboat for real. I bought it on DVD and Paula says about the opening number "I can't wait to hear Connie sing." So if Connie is good enough for Paula, she's good with me.
- •Nancy in general but specifically her speech about Manon being the football field that God and the Devil play their game onNancy is really scary but also Nancy obviously makes the whole movie. Nancy drops a football reference, out of all the possible ways to describe Manon, like cosmic particles and natural wonders and John Milton stories she chooses a football game. Nancy's face when Skeet points at her and tells Robin Tunney that they are witches is the most attractive face as I am attracted to the kind of face that looks like it will never be nice to me ever again. Free Nancy.
- •SkeetWhatever I like a lot of things Skeet Ulrich has done. Jericho was a good show and I was really into it. It sucks that it got canceled and I would have mailed peanuts to CBS but I live in New York City so mail is a mythological concept to me like backyards and drinks costing less than $8.00. Celebrity draft goes down today I'm taking Skeet over Depp yeah I said it so what.