SCENES FROM THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK PLEASE DON'T GO GIRL MUSIC VID

There's a lot more going on here than you've ever imagined.
  1. "We've been together for a long time baby, do you have to leave?"
    Danny Wood is trying to convince this girl from going. I've had like three breakups in my life and not one single time did it involve me standing face-to-face with someone holding a giant suitcase. Why have I never had this happen to me? Is it a boy band thing? A Boston thing? I want this breakup. This is my dream breakup. And Danny's rat tail goes down to his mid-back. That is my dream rat tail! Danny is like my fourth fave NKOTB but he might be living my perfect life.
  2. "Please don't go girl."
    Suitcase girl has got nothing for Danny so she bounces but wait, what's this? Jordan Knight is just standing outside the door in the cold. Imagine a world in which any time of day Jordan was outside your stoop. The girl walks out and Jordan helps her. There's no way he didn't hear Danny trying to convince her not to leave. What a dick, Jordan is totally helping her go. But he's singing for her not to go. This girl is prob def leaving because of the mixed messages she has been getting.
  3. "Pleeeease..."
    Little Joey McIntyre is bopping down the street holding a big floppy flower with Donny Wahlberg and Jon Knight. Joey's like "I bet if I give her this Tulip I got down at Faneuil Hall then she won't go." So Joey takes off running down the block, of which he is a new kid.
  4. "...don't go girl"
    Jordan's still helping her leave, he's putting her bags in this taxi that magically pulled up. That might have been why Jordan was waiting outside actually, checking for the taxi. He really wants her to beat it. Danny is frozen cuz all he can think about is how dope this breakup he is having is. Then Joey runs up with his flower and Danny is like, even better all my friends are here now to see this, I don't really want this girl to go but Jordan seems to have this leaving sitch under control.
  5. "You will ruin my whole world."'
    Joey is like yo taxi roll your window down so I can at least bust this falsetto solo to her up close and show her my flower. I spent all my money on it when I could've gotten clam chowder in a bread bowl down at Boston Maine & Fish Co.
  6. "I love you."
    Danny flashes back to that time when his girl's suitcase was unpacked and they were wearing those matching black, yellow, and white sweater and sweatsuit combo to go to that Bruins game together. Cam Neely amiright?
  7. "I guess I alwaaaaaaays will."
    Remember how those old bands like The Temptations and The Drifters would line up and do a synchronized dance together but they'd all be in matching suits and stuff? NKOTB was like yeah well we got some Keith Haring sweatshirts and checkerboard cardigans so let's show this audience our spins. Jordan wants the girl to go bc even though she is with Danny, Young Joe cares about her the most. If Joe is heartbroken he doesn't show up to his mic and Jordan takes the lead. Devious plot.
  8. "Girrrrrrrl."
    Oh man, out of nowhere Young Joe shows up, not at his mic but up in front. Jordan didn't realize that heartbreak is what makes Young Joe sing like a baby angel. The music is so beautiful that Jon, Donny, and Danny bow their heads in reverence like the penitent man from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
  9. "I just want you to know"
    Look at that crowd. It is the most unenthusiastic group of people ever assembled. I went to see Mortdecai in the theater. This crowd shot looks more like they're watching that than they are seeing peak NKOTB perform at a private talent show. Of course, one seat is open because the girl didn't show up. Which is insanity, too bc in 1987 you prob could have charged $10,000 for an open seat at one of these shows. Poor investing.
  10. "Oooh baby."
    It was messed up for the girl to leave before the show. This was a really big break for NKOTB to be playing at the Big Stage, Small Band festival and her not being there really could have thrown off Danny's concentration. When your rat tail is that long, it takes a lot to maintain equilibrium.
  11. "Tell me you'll..."
    Flashback to the boys from Boston shooting some hoops. Here's the girl and they lose the ball and wait, now here's an exchange with Young Joe. They clearly are having a moment. No wonder he doesn't want her to leave. He imprinted on her like you do when you are a guy playing basketball and a woman is watching you. It must have been so hard for her to decide who she was attracted to with all the sweet dribbling and shooting moves the guys have.
  12. "...staaaaaaaaay."
    Another sneaky move from Jordan here. He's singing for her to tell him that she'll stay but with his hand, he is signaling "nah, no, NOPE." Jordan is devious with his methods to take over the group. He doesn't just want control, he wants to break everyone down and then build then back up like V for Vendetta or Full Metal Jacket. Jon was trying to warn people for years but everyone said he was being paranoid. We should've listened to Jon.
  13. "You're my best friend."
    At this point, Jon can only gloat. He's like "yeah I tried to tell yall about Jordan but nobody wants to listen to the quiet one. Me and Donny are just going to stay in the background on this." Jordan really gave us enough rope to hang ourselves here.
  14. "Don't go girl."
    Anytime a girl leaves someone from NKOTB she has to leave the state. That is in the Massachusetts constitution. So her breaking up with Danny was not something she decided lightly. Because this is it. Goodbye yellow brick road. Get ta steppin'. Don't let the train door hit you on the big red suitcase.
  15. "I'm gonna love you girl until the end of time."
    The rest of the group convinces Jordan that they need the girl to come back otherwise they won't have a sold out show that night. If they have an open seat in the audience then they won't win the battle of the bands and NKOTB may never get their own Saturday Morning Cartoon. Jordan gives in and they race to the train station to stop her. They convince her to stay by promising that she doesn't have to just be Danny's girl, they can have a Jules & Jim thing where she's all their girls.
  16. "Don't go girl"
    Jon's like "mission accomplished, hey Donny who's that I see creeping into the audience? Looks like we're going to be just fine. NKOTB powers unite." But he said it all on his head because he is the quiet one. Donny's like "good thing we never let my little brother Mark in the band, that kid's got no talent."
  17. "Don't go darling."
    Their girl takes her seat and starts waving her arms in the air like she just don't care. She's wearing her Bruins sweater, too so she can go catch the third period of the hockey game after this concert because Cam Neely is still wicked fucking awesome. And that's how the New Kids convinced a girl not to go.
  18. "......"
    And the suitcase never needed to be packed again.
  19. The end