THINGS I'M THINKING ABOUT WATCHING MY GRANDMOTHER DIE IN THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW

There's no happy ending to this
  1. How she used to sing the "Chock Full o' Nuts is the heavenly coffee" song opera style in her kitchen
  2. Hanging up Christmas stockings at her house every year when we were growing up despite the fact that we were Jewish.
  3. Her taking me and my brother to see Tommy Boy in the theater and loving it so much that she took us to see Black Sheep when that came out.
  4. Giving me my first vhs copy of Bye Bye Birdie that she taped off of TV, which is the one movie I've watched the most in my life aside from Dirty Dancing.
  5. Her in her 80's going to see The Pajama Game on Broadway with a bunch of the younger women from her office and the recounting of them all losing it for Harry Connick Jr.
  6. How she would never tell anyone her real age, including a cop, including having it visible on her Driver's License and the world and the law knowing better than to mess with her about it.
  7. How up until two weeks ago, well into some part of her 90's, she was still working, driving, and living alone, watching Survivor and having very strong feelings about American Idol and The New York Knicks.
  8. The first time she met my daughter, her great-granddaughter and held her as a baby. And two years later how they danced together and sat at the piano and played songs.
  9. How she saved all my grandfather's clothes even though he had died ten years earlier and let my brother and I dress up in his old army uniforms.
  10. Her taking us every year to see whatever Broadway play we wanted and being okay with us dragging her to see Tommy, A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum with Nathan Lane, and Avenue Q, which she complained didn't have enough puppet nudity for her.
  11. Finding out when I was older that there wasn't anything she liked better than "a cold beer."
  12. Getting way too drunk one Christmas and having her tell me the entire story of how she met my grandfather and only remembering bits and pieces of it.
  13. Watching the Miss America pageant there but also the Oklahoma City Bombing and the first World Trade Center bombing and joking that it was bad luck for us to sleep over.
  14. The room in her house that was called the "junk room" and lived up to its name in the most extraordinary grandma-only way possible.
  15. The high school track behind her house where we would go and run laps and play in the woods.
  16. Her being the only person my giant 6'6" dad was ever afraid of.
  17. How she answered every phone call on the broken phone even though it didn't work for a decade and would make you wait while she switched to the one in the other room.
  18. She looked like Dorothy Lamour when she was younger and continued to get her hair done and be a redhead up to this minute. And how every time I saw her I called her beautiful and thanked her for our awesome genes as a joke and she'd say, "save the bullshit."
  19. When my hair was short she wanted to know why it wasn't longer and when it was long she wanted to know why it want shorter.
  20. Before she moved out of her big house, she most likely had a copy of every magazine that she ever owned.
  21. How even though she's been in her new apartment for over a decade she was never all the way unpacked and still shredding who knows what documents from the last 70 years.
  22. Anytime she said something was from "the year gimmel" and it being instantly hilarious.
  23. The realization that she is a person who actually likes talking to me and wants to hear my voice and genuinely know what is going on in my life.
  24. How last night, despite everything she is going through and how much pain she is in, she asked for me specifically and what that means to be the person who gets asked for in a situation like that.