29 MEMORIES FOR @SALLY'S BIRTHDAY

I'm her brother and now I get to embarrass her. It's my job.
  1. 1.
    A few days after she was born, I asked if we could take her back.
    I was done sharing the lime light.
  2. 2.
    One time she "drove" her baby glider down the basement stairs.
    Another reason those aren't allowed anymore.
  3. 3.
    As an approximately two-year old, she fell into our family friend's pool. She hit the water and our family friend (wearing pants and polo shirt in August in NJ) took two steps and pulled her out.
    Her response: "Bliffer saved me." It was cute after everyone chilled out.
  4. 4.
    My sister made up a story about saving me from hypothermia for a non-fiction assignment in third grade.
    Her teacher called her on it and she held fast. I never had hypothermia.
  5. 5.
    We misused the word "expediting" to mean "active exploring" to climb on rocks while on family vacation in Monterey as kids.
    We still use it wrong when on family vacation.
  6. 6.
    I used to beat Sally up but then she learned to kick me in the balls and step on my head.
    Her all time best retort while her foot was on my head: "Eat grass kumquat." This phrase also lives on.
  7. 7.
    Sally quoted Will Smith for her middle school graduation year book quote.
    "Hey, old guys!" Yeah. MIB.
  8. 8.
    Sally won our high school writing contest as a freshman.
    She wrote a first person narrative from a boy's pov about death. Shit was deep and beautiful.
  9. 9.
    She got salmonella in high school and didn't complain about it even though she had to use NASTY ass bathrooms while I finished football practice.
    💩
  10. 10.
    Sally crashed her car when she spilled her her tea in her lap on the way to early morning science class (nerd). The shrubs near our house where broken for years after.
    This was only funny well after the fact and when the retaining wall behind the shrubs didn't give way and allow Sally and her car fly down a cliff into a house below.
  11. 11.
    She graduated #1 (duh) in her high school class. To honor this occasion our family emptied a full-sized air horn during the roll call.
    The entire thing.
  12. 12.
    Sally makes up epic songs about things. They are batshit random and extremely funny.
    Top hits: "I got some tooth paste from your bathroom" and "North Shore: Same as it was Before"
  13. 13.
    She took me to the Heights (z'l) for Frozen Margs and told me to be careful. But I didn't listen.
    I yacked on my shoes at the bar, we missed our subway stop, she yacked in Bubba Gump Shrimp in Times Square and we had to go back to the hotel we were sharing with our parents. #parytimeallthetime
  14. 14.
    Polyphonic Spree makes some crazy videos.
    ...
  15. 15.
    We went to Hawaii and all got stupid on Hawaiian time and there was lots of drinking and it was fun.
    This is hard to explain but the entire family was on the PARTY BOAT.
  16. 16.
    The first time Sally met my wife, she took us to beer and wings at Lion's Head.
    It was an tour de-force of gluttony and alcohol consumption. Sally liked @abbyzeecee from the first day. I'm sure the nasty consumption was part of that.
  17. 17.
    When she graduated from college she told us in no uncertain terms there was to be NO AIR HORN.
    So we got little bells we rang really hard when her name was called.
  18. 18.
    During our time in New York we went to all you can eat sushi. But this place was really strict about charging for uneaten rice and fish.
    So we started bringing Tupperware to keep things real when we hit "sushi face" full.
  19. 19.
    We went to a Yankee Red Sox game and got box seats with free beer.
    Needless to say this was a mistake on the part of those who gave us the seats. We came to party (and talk trash). And the Red Sox beat the heartless scum-bucket roid-raging Yankees. This event resulted in one of the best Cohen-Cutler Sober Face selfies of all time which I can't seem to find right now.
  20. 20.
    At my wedding Sally and @sam had fun with Dave and the pictures were classic. Like when we were all asshat teenagers. Good times.
    Side note: why isn't Dave on ListApp?
  21. 21.
    During Sally's White Coat ceremony, we almost melted.
    There is no reason to touch on this memory beyond it being one of the hottest experience of everyone's life. A non-air conditioned location for a formal event in August in Chicago is tough. Also, no air horn permitted.
  22. 22.
    Sally and I went to Med-School Prom.
    I didn't go to my actual prom but this seemed to be very similar. Lots of cliques and guys in rented, ill-fitting tuxes. We also drove on school buses to the event. It was some funny times.
  23. 23.
    We ran a half marathon together in Chicago where she added ".1" to her "Class of '13" shirt.
    She's so clever.
  24. 24.
    I am excited that Sally and @rebeccazemel get along and have had fun times together.
    #family
  25. 25.
    On a family vacation in Italy we took a run in Rome and took pictures at all these Catholic statues.
    There are a few of Sally doing the "big arms thing" and her hiding inside the Pope's coat. #hadtobethere
  26. 26.
    We hiked Rim to River to Rim in one day without planning. You shouldn't do this.
    Like every poster and Ranger says don't do this. But we thought better of it. Because #America and fuck your rules and #whatgoesdownmustcomeup.
  27. 27.
    Sally is one of the only people I know who actually became the thing she wanted to be in elementary school.
    She is a doctor. And a bad-ass.
  28. 28.
    She was one of the first people to meet our kid.
    She was both very doctor like and a total sappy-lovey aunt. It was fantastic and I'm glad she got to meet him. She also helped us make Passover in a pinch. It's something I'll remember forever.
  29. 29.
    Sally invited me to ListApp when she didn't have to.
    Sharing is caring. HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOP PANTS!