A DEFINITIVE LIST OF KINDS OF RUNNERS
I run for fun over distances some think are stupid.🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿🏆🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿
- •The new runnerHis shoes match his shirt and shorts and water bottle. They are excited and have lots of questions.
- •The "I ran cross country in high school" runnerSlightly less ignorant than the newbie but significantly more dangerous, the I ran cross country in high school runner believes that running until you puke is the only way to get a good workout. Also, a ten mile training run at full blast is the longest distance ever.
- •The Runner's World ReaderThey have a pair of Vibrium Five Fingers and Hokas, both with about 50 miles on them. If Yasso says, they do.
- •The Running Times ReaderMore refined than the Runner's World, they also own Five Fingers but because they help build toe strength and would never go distance in them; they also filed the claim in the lawsuit. They have an un-ironic Pre stash (both items with his likeness and facial hair).
- •The Bay-to-Breakers runnersFueling with Jell-O shots is a once a year endeavor. Everyone gets a free pass. Have fun today.
- •The STRAVA RunnerIf the watch looses reception IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. You will also see this runner doing the same route over and over to retain his title. This runner is nearly always a man.
- •The Ultra RunnerThis runner can easily and without much fanfare knock out a 20 mile training run on Saturday and a 15 mile "recovery" run on Sunday. They are always willing to run another mile with you on their favorite Marin County trail.
- •The bro runnerHe used to be able to knock back the brews and pizza without ill effect. Now just a few years out of the frat life, the bro runner need to burn a few before he throws a few back. In his college basket ball shorts and spring rush 2010 t-shirt he runs along the water in the Marina/Murray Hill/Santa Monica in his Jordan's.
- •The Bucket List RunnerTraining for a marathon to say he has do it, the bucket lister starts training late, doesn't get all his long runs in and bonks at mile 14. This may or may not be how I trained for my first marathon. #itwas
- •The non-runnerThis person will say, usually as he eats something like 🍕🍟🍦🍫🍪🍩, that running is bad for you and ask if you have hurt your knees, yet.
- •The "I would've BQed" runnerRelated to the bro runner he trains well and runs hard but always has a reason he didn't run 20 minutes faster in his last marathon. If you don't understand this terminology don't worry, you aren't missing much.
- •The regular runnerThis is a runner who goes out to enjoy the primal activity of running. Without attention to the everyday, this runner will say Gump-esq things like, "I just felt like running." (He may or may not say "Lt. Dan, you got new legs!") She loves the way her mind is focused on her breathing and fuel intake. After the third hour of a run, he can feel the rhythm of his breathing slow to match his foot fall and water intake. This runner is who I aspire to be.