DORIS SIPOWITZ, PROUD BUBBE AND CO-CHAIR OF THE TEMPLE HAMANTASCHEN COMMITTEE, THINKS ALOUD

A list inspired by a @gabimoskowitz comment.
  1. That she's surprised to see you dressed appropriately this year considering that dress you wore in 5767.
  2. That she's cold and you should put on a sweater.
  3. That a kuggle with low-fat dairy products and blueberry bagels are goyim naches.
  4. That the shofar blower could have held the gadolah a bit longer.
  5. That while she didn't help the break-the-fast committee this year, she's sure it will be nice.
  6. That she thought you'd be married by now.
  7. That she was shocked that you were married.
  8. That she knows a nice Jewish boy for your sister when she's done with her "phase."
  9. That she's disappointed, in general.
  10. That she didn't think the rabbi would spend an entire service talking about "that" and never mention Israel.
  11. That she felt the ask was too direct.
  12. That she hopes you'll consider joining her committee, even though you can't bake very well.
  13. (alchet shechatanu for the sin of making fun of the fictional Doris Sopwitz, proud bubbe and co-chair of the temple hamataschen committee)