UNEXPECTED THINGS MY WIFE HAS SAID SINCE WE HAD A KID, VOL 3

  1. Striped onesie: thrown out. Attracts blowouts.
  2. Word to the wise: don't eat Trader Joe's faux-Doritos over your sleeping child. He looks like he hugged oompah loompah.
  3. I rarely feel disgusting unless I'm covered in spit up but the I realize I'm wearing clothing I put on in the middle of the night two nights ago and he peed on me this morning and I didn't change.
  4. Do you think when you are a baby every nap is like a couch nap?
  5. Do you want to do our pie shakes for dinner's dessert?
    A) my response was #America and B) this wasn't totally unexpected but is totally welcome.
  6. Do you need me to get you a nose and ear hair trimmer for Father's Day?
    Said with a maniacal laugh. [maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.]