UNEXPECTED THINGS MY WIFE HAS SAID SINCE WE HAD A KID, VOL 5

More from my funny, brilliant wife @abbyzeecee
  1. Just picked up the monkey and kissed him hello. Then I noticed the poop on his face.
  2. Are girls allowed in your fort*? Well I know the secret password. You know what it is? I can pick you up. That's the password.
    *The fort is the couch he sneaks under.
  3. [kid rolling around on floor; use the wife's face as a platform] THIS IS OUR HOUSE NOT GRECO ROMAN WRESTING.
  4. He's dry humping the post of the couch.
    We were working on movement.
  5. Is there corn on your cob?
    He pooped. And he ate corn last night. It's funny.
  6. Oh my god, the cherry poop. I may never have a Shirley Temple as long as I live
  7. After I feel asleep in the floor shushing him, I decided it was better for both of us to sleep in the chair.