*CLICKS RECORDER*

Inspired by @marymurphy
  1. For the love of all that is good. It's called a "day off". Stop putting so much on your to-do list that you'd need a week and no kids to make a dent in it.
  2. Schedule time for yourself.
    Nobody likes Cranky Heather.
  3. Write it down. You are not going to remember.
    Not on a tiny scrap of paper, either. Put it in your planner.
  4. Never buy generic toilet paper again.
  5. Bring your contact case and glasses whenever you go somewhere with furry pets.
  6. Go visit your grandparents. You are the worst.
  7. Do not wait until the last day to reconcile your corporate credit card.
    You will feel like crap everyday until you do it.
  8. Don't try a make-ahead casserole for Christmas morning on Christmas Eve. Just have your husband make something the next morning.
    Everyone will be happier.
  9. If you go to the parade in November, wear winter boots.
    It doesn't matter how warm it is at 4 p.m.
  10. Always have a pen, notebook, book, snack, tissues, and a tampon.
  11. You do not like the free coffee at the dealership. It's ok. It's still free coffee and time to read alone.
    Just don't get the French vanilla.
  12. Reread the recipe a second time when making a grocery list.
    You don't want to have to send your husband back out to the store and have him hold that over your head forever.
  13. For crying out loud, stand up for yourself!
    She's acting like you have bad ideas, then turning around and passing them off as her own original ideas! Call her out on it.
  14. Grab your daughter's tiny hands after she washes them and guide her off of the stool.
    She's just going to rub them all over the bubbles in the sink and drive you crazy.
  15. Don't buy sticky tac at Target. It's crap.
    It sticks for 10 minutes. Then the kids' art projects are all over the floor.
  16. Don't ask if she has to go to the bathroom. Tell her it's time to go to the bathroom.
  17. Sure, bringing a cup of coffee to the playground will keep you warm and make you feel like a part of the Laid Back Moms Who Have Their Shit Together club. But you'll just end up having to pee a half hour after you get there.
    If you must, just make sure it's your first cup of the day.