My ex-boyfriends... chronological

  1. 1.
    The guy up the street.
    We were in kindergarten together. He'd come over and play in the yard. One day he brought over another friend to play baseball. He didn't want me to play, but I wasn't having that. When the baseball hit the pin I was wearing on the chest of my navy blue leotard with the thin red and white stripes down the arm, it hurt like a mother.
  2. 2.
    Tony.
    I was in elementary school. He was from Florida, but had a camp up the road from us. We watched the Twilight Zone. (He had a TV! At camp!) He proudly told me, "Now I have TWO girlfriends!"
  3. 3.
    High school sweetheart.
    First kiss—tasted like oranges. Very sweet, but insanely jealous. Lasted a year and a half, but it didn't end well.
  4. 4.
    The tour guide.
    I thought it was so funny when he recited his tour info ("The elevator we're riding in will take us XX feet below the earth's surface...") And it was. The first half a dozen times. I broke up with him after two months. "But I already bought your Christmas gift." Perhaps my weirdest weirdest breakup — we immediately exchanged gifts before going separate ways. (As separate as possible — we lived in the same building.)
  5. 5.
    The holiday heart breaker.
    Chased the Christmas Gift Giving Ex with a guy who broke up with me before every holiday. Took me a pathetically long time to notice the trend. And also to stop being pathetic.
  6. 6.
    The swimmer.
    My last boyfriend before I met my husband. Made me realize what it's like to be appreciated, respected, and consistently treated well. We were together for a year and a half in college. He used the word "fathom" when he broke up with me (as in not being able to fathom us not being together). To this day, I think of him whenever I hear that word. His mom was awesome. She gave me earrings once and even though I lost one, I kept the one lonely earring in my jewelry box until very recently.